Saturday, December 24, 2005

Happy Christmas

Its Christmas eve...

Been a while since I've updated, went back to Sandakan for few days. Sometimes its amazing how little time is spend with some really close people and the laughter that fills the air suddenly just brightens your day or simply it miraculously cover up the sorrow that fills your heart. Sound silly, but you won't know unless you felt it deeply.

Instead of sleigh bells ringing in my ears, the constant laughter of my 80 year old granny vibrating my ear lobes and I could feel the warmth feeling that flows in my blood. To see the smile of my almost 80 year old grandpa, the grin on his face when taking his photo or the smirk he gave me when he's happy with us mingling around. I might sound very old but that's how it felt when I've been blinded or packed with sorrows or self destructive elements lately. Realizing such joy that's so near me really is, WONDERFUL. Just like Christmas.

That's when you spend time with older people, especially elderly people that's very close to you. Honestly, I don't mind being seen bringing my grandpa and grandma out. In fact, it's a pretty good feeling. That's if you felt the right one. Sometimes I really don't understand why people especially youngster seems to be ashamed to be seen with their parents or elderly people. Their grandparents? Shame on you then. Afraid being labeled as geek or nerd that has no friends and have to hang out with your own family.? Now, look clearly and see who's the one who really deserve a huge SHAME engraved in his/her forehead.

When you have younger cousins who are still in primary school bugging you to play with them, do you angrily push them away and say Get Lost or tell them politely that you're older and don't play such childish stuff or you join them and play along.? Well, kids nowadays no longer play toys which really reflect sweet childhood innocent memories. They play board games, computer games and PS, mind you, most of them filled with actions and violence. And playing with them means competing with them in each games. I once played monopoly with my 10, 12 and 16 year old cousin and it turns out to be that my 16 year old cousin and I tricking them. Yes, in monopoly. Though we seems like bullying them but they knew perfectly well about that but they just laughed and play along. You can't possibly forget the no worries laughter that comes from no where and ends everywhere.

Happy Christmas.....

Thursday, December 01, 2005

If Everyone Cared

From underneath the trees, we watch the sky
Confusing stars for satellites
I never dreamed that you'd be mine
But here we are, we're here tonight

Singing Amen, I'm alive
Singing Amen, I'm alive

If everyone cared and nobody cried
If everyone loved and nobody lied
If everyone shared and swallowed their pride
We'd see the day when nobody died

And I'm singing

Amen I, I'm alive
Amen I, I'm alive

And in the air the fireflies
Our only light in paradise
We'll show the world they were wrong
And teach them all to sing along

Singing Amen I'm alive
Singing Amen I'm alive

And as we lie beneath the stars
We realize how small we are
If they could love like you and me
Imagine what the world could be

If everyone cared and nobody cried
If everyone loved and nobody lied
If everyone shared and swallowed their pride
We'd see the day when nobody died

We'd see the day, we'd see the day
When nobody died
We'd see the day, we'd see the day
When nobody died
We'd see the day when nobody died

I love the chorus very much. The words are just great. It's commonly said that "Speak when you're angry, and you shall regret for the rest of your life..." I clear out an entry that I typed after the volcano inside me erupted yesterday. After rereading it when you've calmed down, the effect isn't there already. And you'll realize what a fool you've been and can't stop laughing at yourself or the other way round, felt like you're the worst person on earth, GUILT. Sometimes, life can be better if you just stop sulking for 5 minutes. And you'll see the happy side that's been hidden behind your sulky face. Cheers...=))

Monday, November 28, 2005

Book Of Insults

OK. I saw this book yesterday while strolling in a book store. The title alone is pretty interesting enough. And the contents, well browsed through a little. Looks like its quotations of insults. Funny and sarcastic one I think. Well, maybe I should get it the next time I pay the book store a visit. But on a second thought, apart from a good laugh you'll get from the book, what else.? Insulting techniques with lots of sarcasm.? And well, that's not exactly the good brought up. But if used in a positive way, it could just render off some potential problems.

Anyway, the father of a friend witnessed a pretty interesting scene while searching for a parking lot in Karamunsing. As we all know, Karamunsing car park is damn hard to look for a parking space. Anyway, in front of his car was a ninja king drove by a middle age man. He finally found a parking space and started towards parking it. Must have driven near already when here comes a youngster from the opposite way and boommmmmmmmmmmmmmm. He speed into the lot and parked his car. A normal youngster kind of car, nothing new or too old. Right, anyone in the middle age man state would have been in rage for that. But that youngster, I'm not sure whether after he got off from his car or lower down his window, he gave the middle age man a sarcastic look and said, " I'm young and fast" The middle age man who I think most probably is already in rage must be boiling inside. He reversed his car and WHAMMMMMMM! He drove his ninja king towards the youngster's car and bang it! He then lower down his window and said, "I'm old, but I'm rich!!"

Pretty cool heh? Shame on you to the youngster. But according to what I've been told, the youngster was totally speechless and had a blank face. Hahaha....

Finally watched Harry potter yesterday. Not bad compared to the previous one. As the previous one was pretty disappointing considering the fact that the book was among the best from the series. Maybe because since the fourth book is pretty draggy. Cutting out details to fit in the movie isn't much effect to the movie. Unlike the third one where too much details was squeezed off resulting a pretty disappointing one.


Friday, November 25, 2005


Compliments of TMnet Streamyx, line's been down for few days.

Holidays begun. Rotting process begun too. The countless hour spent on tv and with line down, time is passing even slower. But then, most people would said this is such a waste of time. You should do something better, learn something or earn some extra few bucks. Okay, I am looking for a part time job but not as in really. Cos well, I figure its still too early. I'm taking my time to rot first. Why? It occurs to me that if your whole life go accordingly, after you finish your education life, you start working. Then, you have no more this sort of TIME. Not unemployed, but rather spending life in a meaningless way. But still, there's no second encounter of this. Like, I'm trying to enjoy my WU LIAO time. Although honestly speaking is really deadly extremely boring. But I'm trying to or zi am enjoying it.

Been reading Digital Fortress lately. Another of Dan Brown. Not inspired to post a long entry yet. Ciao....

Monday, November 21, 2005


It's over. Hahahahaha. Finally, the battle is over. Well, for this battle. The next one won't be here for quite a long time. I mean, let's see. Assuming the fact that I manage to enter a local uni, the term begins next year somewhere around JULY. I'm just so hippy that it's finally over. Well regardless. I do worry bout my results because I know how I did in those papers. But nevertheless, the relief is much more powerful than the worries. Afterall, they can wait. For another 3 months. Hehehe.

Too happy to write so much. And I want to watch Harry Potter really badly.! Arghhhhhhhhhh..!!

I'm so relief!! Hey, I graduated. Time to look for a part time job!!!!

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

General Paper Completed

OK. So there was quite a debate on certain questions in Paper 1 about which answers or weird questions with more than one answers. Well, I'm not gonna argue it here. Plus, no matter how much you discuss or argued about, it's still useless because you expect it to reach the ears of of MPM.? ( Malaysian Examinations Council) Even if it does, who will know? And one more thing, objective papers are marked by computers and unless those examiners do something in setting what answers for what question, its still pointless. The bottom line is, STOP ARGUING. You wouldn't find out which is the right answer and the only chance of finding out is if you know someone working in MPM and happens to be close to the Examiners of PA paper and that's only if they even bother to tell you what's the answer for question 52. Or you'll just have to settle with the fact the only answer available is PASS YEAR QUESTION EXERCISE that will be published next year in which no STPM 2005 candidates (those that are killing each other's throat about which answer for which question) will bother at all because by then, we're worrying bout our freshman year exams in UNI. Hahahaha. So, don't bother. Its done and nothing will change it.

Paper 2 today was quite a WOW. The first essays part are totally considered in the cold zone area. But I think the rest are still okay. I guess, I'm not very confident in scoring a good grade but at least its not that bad to keep me worrying or whatever. Plus, I was relieved to see a simple line graph. Hehehe. But still quite a lot chose to do the pie chart which is very time consuming. But still those essays are a bit shaky. As mentioned, too much chef spoil the cook. Listening to too much comments cause your mind to biased a little no matter how strong your confidence and principles are. Hmmmmmmm. Better concentrate on the next 3 papers. The papers I dread most, Mathematics and Chemistry. Arghhhheeee!!!

Did I mention, since SPM officially began yesterday, the school actually gathered all STPM and SPM candidates yesterday and today at about half and hour before the exam starts. Yesterday was to sing the school anthem and prayers. While today, time was shorter and there was only a short moment of silence for prayer. Hmmmm. Is it relevant ah? They're actually doing it everyday. Hmmmmm, wonder what the school has in mind.?

And in our time table, there's a small confession slip where candidates are supposed to fill it up and sign it proving that you have read the rules and regulations for the exam and understand it. And according to the RULES stated, candidates are supposed to hand it to the examiners on the first day of exam. And did I mention, during our first paper which is Biology 1, the examiner didn't even bother to check our IC and Exam Slips. ( the complete one with your name, serial number, IC number and the subjects you take, etc) Not to mention collect the confession slip. And oddly, today, after 5 papers, the examiners collected it. Just how wonderful is the government employees efficiency.


Saturday, November 12, 2005

3 down

3 papers down. Had mathematics 1 yesterday. It was, erm...Not well. Enough said. Well at least not well for me, regardless for those who never had as much problems as I do in trying to score a principal pass. Hehehe. Anyway, glad its over and there's just no time or capacity in my brain to be complaining or mourn in HOW I did. It doesn't matter now doesn't it.? It ain't something that can be changed already. Well, at least I don't have to worry about it until when the results is announced which would decide what course and Uni I'll enrolled in which happens to be quite a few months away regarding the fact that my exam isn't even over yet. Hahahaha.....

Biology 2 on Thursday wasn't very neat either. But I can say for me its better than Mathematics 1. Yeah, so my interest lies more to biology and everyone has what they preferred more or less right.? And did I mention, right after the Biology 1 paper, a Chinese student web forum I visit regularly has already post answer according to discussion among student themselves. Pretty efficient eh.? Considering the fact that we're in the middle of quite an exam battle.? Battle heh? What to do, STPM has an unbelievable rank in the Top Difficult Exams on Earth. No, I'm not kidding. Though I forgot the exact rank. Some said its the Third, some said Second or the Sixth. Too many versions of it. Too much chef will spoil the cook. Something similar lah, can't remember the exact phrase. Anyway, didn't bother to check. Again, what's the use. If you did well, it will soothe you down and empowers your confidence even more which is pretty good actually. But what if the opposite happens? Like you have a massive of wrong circles in your answers compared to those posted.? It'll drag you down. And well, just can't let that to drag me lower. Nonono. Plus, those are only answers discussed among the students right.?

Okay, enough of that. Exam resumes on Monday and will continue till Thursday. A mixture of General Paper, Mathematics 2, -.-" and Chemistry 1.

Buck up!! Less than 10 days to go. Cheers!!!

Wednesday, November 09, 2005


The battle begins with Biology 1 completed. First paper out of the eight I'll be taking. Hehehe. It's kinda weird. I mean, I tried to keep my faith and confidence and manage to stay in a good mood. And guess what, I was kinda hippy all the time. Weird, but none the less its kinda good to be in a nice mood and I'm still feeling hippy now. Hmmmmmm. Wonder should I blogged about my entire exam process.? Each paper of each day.?

It was in the news the other day, a Japanese girl about 14 or 15 who blogged everything bout her mother's murder. Apparently she killed her mom and described in details in her blog bout the progress of her mother sufferings till her death. Eerie heh.?

Anyway, I'll try not to bored anyone who's reading with the DETAILS of my papers. Hehe. Biology 2 shall commence tomorrow.


Sunday, November 06, 2005

Where am I.?

Its Sunday....

Paper starts at Wednesday with Biology 1. I'm not saturated with Biology facts, yet. I kept telling myself that once the papers start, time will fly and before I knew it, it's the end of my school uniform life. Good thing is the exam period isn't long. Only 13 days with 5 days break in between. But still, I'm still very not prepared. Typical me. Given me an extra month but I don't think I'll get any better. I'll just drag and get even lazier. So, the sooner it's over, the better it is...

I had a dream last week that I received a letter from the Education Department informing me the STPM exams has been postponed to next month. Dreaming, it's a dream after all...

Unlike my friends, they're looking for jobs already. Though we discuss a lot bout what jobs we'd like to do or what jobs we can find, I never really move. Guess I'll start finding only after until the exam phobia leaves me. And I had a pile of books and movies I've been downloading, waiting for me. Hahahaha. Can't wait for the day.


Monday, October 31, 2005

Last Day....

I woke up this morning realizing today was the last day of school. Marks a big date doesn't it.? Excluding the exam days. Hmmmmmm. By the way, do not be freak out with the following "Dialogue" It's something I find nice relating to life issues and please do not despised it just because the conversation is between you and God and find it far fetched. There's nothing Christian in it if you ain't Christian. And its the messages that matters. Not the reality of such conversation...

God: Hello! Did you call me?
Me: Called you? No.. Who is this?

God: This is GOD. I heard your prayers. So I thought I will chat with you.
Me: I do pray. Just makes me feel good. I am actually busy now. I am in the midst of something........

God: What are you busy at? Ants are busy too.
Me: Don't know. But I can't find free time. Life has become hectic. It's rush hour all the time.

God: Sure. Activity gets you busy. But productivity gets you results. Activity consumes time. Productivity frees it.
Me: I understand. But I still can't figure it out. By the way, I was not expecting YOU to buzz me on instant messaging chat.

God: Well I wanted to resolve your fight for time, by giving you some clarity. In this net era, I wanted to reach you through the medium you are comfortable with.
Me: Tell me, why has life become complicated now?

God: Stop analyzing life. Just live it. Analysis is what makes it complicated.
Me: why are we then constantly unhappy?

God: Your today is the tomorrow that you worried about yesterday. You are worrying because you are analyzing. Worrying has become your habit. That's why you are not happy.
Me: But how can we not worry when there is so much uncertainty?

God: Uncertainty is inevitable, but worrying is optional.
Me: But then, there is so much pain due to uncertainty..

God: Pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional.
Me: If suffering is optional, why do good people always suffer?

God: Diamond cannot be polished without friction. Gold cannot be purified without fire. Good people go through trials, but don't suffer. With that experience their life becomes better not bitter.
Me: You mean to say such experience is useful?

God: Yes. In every term, Experience is a hard teacher. She gives the test first and the lessons afterwards.
Me: But still, why should we go through such tests? Why can't we be free from problems?

God : Problems are Purposeful Roadblocks Offering Beneficial Lessons (to) Enhance Mental Strength. Inner strength comes from struggle and endurance, not when you are free from problems.
Me: Frankly in the midst of so many problems, we don't know where we are heading..

God: If you look outside you will not know where you are heading. Look inside. Looking outside, you dream. Looking inside, you awaken. Eyes provide sight. Heart provides insight.
Me: Sometimes not succeeding fast seems to hurt more than moving in the right direction. What should I do?

God: Success is a measure as decided by others.. Satisfaction is a measure as decided by you. Knowing the road ahead is more satisfying than knowing you rode ahead. You work with the compass. Let others work with the clock.
Me: In tough times, how do you stay motivated?

God: Always look at how far you have come rather than how far you have to go. Always count your blessing, not what you are missing.
Me: What surprises you about people?

God: when they suffer they ask, "why me?" When they prosper, they never ask "Why me" Everyone wishes to have truth on their side, but few want to be on the side of the truth.
Me: Sometimes I ask, who am I, why am I here. I cant get the answer.

God: Seek not to find who you are, but to determine who you want to be. Stop looking for a purpose as to why you are here. Create it. Life is not a process of discovery but a process of creation.
Me: How can I get the best out of life?

God: Face your past without regret. Handle your present with confidence. Prepare for the future without fear.
Me: One last question. Sometimes I feel my prayers are not answered.

God: There are no unanswered prayers.. At times the answer is NO.
Me: Thank you for this wonderful chat. I am so happy to start this day with a new sense of inspiration.

God: Well. Keep the faith and confidence and drop the fear. Don't believe your doubts and doubt your beliefs. Life is a mystery to solve, not a problem to resolve. Trust me. Life is wonderful if you know how to live.

"Life is what we make it, always has been, always will be."

Saturday, October 29, 2005


Assuming that as the day grew closer, one should be more pressured.? Scared.? Nervous.? And more motivated to do better.? That's just the opposite. Smack my head real hard. But day by day I'm getting extra lazier and extra moody. Moody, unpredictable emotion or temper.

Is this bad or good.? I didn't lose my temper. Keeping it.? Sometimes. Does really keeping your temper all the time is good.? Just swallow everything or ignore everyone and everything will be alright.? Are you really that naive to believe that it would be okay later.? And shut yourself to the other side of the moon.? Do you realize it's dark there.? And that side never faces the earth.? No matter how much great things you did, so what.? Who cares.? That's because there's no light or EARTH and MOON rotation for you to be seen there. You don't want to be on the same side of the moon.

I was playing with the astro remote control again and switching channels non stop just for something enjoyable to watch and saw this scene in Anger Management.

Shrink : There's two type of angry people. The explosive and implosive.
Patient : ?????? ( I forgot what he said)
Shrink : A women screams at the cashier for give her the wrong change. Now are you the cashier or the women.?
Patient : Neither.?
Shrink : You're the cashier...

It's not exactly the same phrase. Something like that. Couldn't remember well. In my earlier post, Hot tempered or Hypocrite, I think reign226 did mention something similar right.? Apparently the cashier is the deadly one, rather than the obnoxious snobby women.? Yea, that's why they always end up with the same side of the moon.

The battle begins officially at the 9th November 2005 starting with Biology war....

Monday, October 24, 2005


Two nights ago, it occurred to me that I'll be graduating in exactly one month time. (before I step into a NO UNIFORM education life, UNIVERSITY) Even though I'm hoping for Stpm to finish as soon as possible, but still you can't help it but miss high school life.

I still can recall when I just started form 6, I realize how much I missed my old school. And most of all, the upper form life back then. And now, it seems like I've just entered form 6 yesterday. Time passed, did I realize it.? How can I say no, I just didn't bother it passing.

Do you remember how it feels back then, about seven years ago when you just finished primary school and entering secondary school. Being the eldest back then, when you were the ABANG and KAKAK where every kid look up to you. And suddenly, you're the kid in the new environment.? Not only you're the kid, more like the baby. Hehehe. And when you finished form 5, you enter form 6. You're not exactly the baby or kid again but still you're still stuck in a new place. (that's if your previous school provides no form 6). And in less than half year in lower 6, again your the eldest in your school. Pretty fast concerning the primary and secondary school final year gap heh.? But then, what to do. You're already at the end of your teenage years. Sob Sob. Hehehehehe

So, graduating soon. Entering freshman year, anxious.? No. I just want my Stpm to be over soon. But I don't want to grow up. Sadly, I can't. Hahahaa. Anyway, just realize when I started to blog, I haven't even enter form 6. And now, I'm reaching the end. Will I miss form 6.? Will I miss La Salle.? I don't know. Maybe yes, a little. Maybe not much. Who knows.? I'll know in a month time. Tell you then.


Wednesday, October 19, 2005

I'm blank

The day it's drawing nearer. Am I dreading it.? Actually, no. Afraid, nervous but not dreading it at all. Wishing it to be over as soon as possible.

I went blank today, the feeling was bad. It sucks. It was in the middle of our informal second trial Chemistry Paper 2 section B. I didn't pass up the paper, enough said. It was informal after all but I wasted another chance of good revision. Second time of the week. This is bad. Am I stressed or simply just not prepared.?

It pains to think back and compare the SPM years. Where clearly the effort wasn't as much as now but the results is opposite. Is STPM really that hard or I just grew stupid due to "indescribable" STPM.? Well, I've known this even before stepping in Form 6.

Worrying sucks but one just couldn't stop it like the STOP button in your CD player. I can worry continuously. As usual, worrying brings you no where but human just love to worry so much no matter how rational or how clearly they know that worry doesn't help. In fact it worsen the condition. But, we're humans after all. We are emotional creature with feelings and is that suppose to be good or bad.? Too bad for me, worries couldn't motivate me that much. But I still have to go forward and leave them behind. What to do, I'm not the only human on earth who knows to worry. Everyone worries, just that the impact or effect of worries varies for every different person and how you choose to deal with it. Do you let your worries manipulate your mind and monopolize your brain cells.? Or your brain cells controls your worries.? Somehow, there are moments in life that your brain contains nothing but WORRY. Which of course is only temporary. The period of it's residency.? Again, it depends on how well you organize yourself or simply how you think. And the shorter it is, the better it is. For if it remain too long, it could be fatal. And no, suicide doesn't count as the short cut of settling your worries. Haven't you heard.? The short cut is always the bad cut.

This is just the same with emotion and feelings. Its commonly said, do not let your feelings and emotions control your mind. Your mind controls your feelings and emotion. My oh my. But human no matter who and how great or perfect he/she is, they still run into these moments where they'll get a little blank or lose a little control of their brains. Why.? That's because you're still a human being no matter what. So chill. It's okay (but don't overflow o you'll puke.)

" Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? " Mathews 6:27

" Therefore, do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of it's own. " Mathews 6:34

Tuesday, October 11, 2005

Changes....Influenced or new discoveries..??

Sometimes its amazing how you see people change. Physical changes.? From ugly duckling to the beautiful graceful swan.? No, physical changes can occur between a split second. The inner change of your heart or personality or character or attitude that takes not only more than one second. In fact, its a timeless piece where time is taken into action. (It's not something you can take a stop watch and timed it. No way.)

Whether from BAD to GOOD, from NO to YES, from THIS to THAT, It's a wonder. Sometimes, it's almost a miracle. Would you seize yourself to believe it.? Sometimes, you have no choice but just do. You don't want to be left out do you.?

Anyway, are these changes the results of influence or the discoveries of the person themselves.? Whether certain environment changes that influence a particular person to change or else wouldn't survive. Or perhaps, influenced by the recent IN stuff or recent peer friends.? Changes.? Or new adaptations.? Well, guess they are the ups and downs. The Chinese saying of 要学坏只需要三天,变好要三年。Its not the exact phrase, but it's something like that. But for me, its more like : It takes 3 second to be a NOBODY and 3 years to be a SOMEBODY. (actually reality proves its much more than 3 years, I'm just trying to match up with the Chinese phrase. Hehehe.) I'm not saying SOMEBODY is someone that's recognized by the whole world by stripping your clothes off on international TV or won the grand prize of a 30 minutes game show...

What about, new discoveries a person make that had such a massive effect to your soul that you changed.? Again, for better or worse.? Who knows, being a nobody sometimes is really sad. A loser.? Failures that accumulate until it overflowed.? An finally your alimentary system could no longer sustain and you start to vomit.? Meaning, you're finally awake.? (What bout those people who are never full and would never puke.? Are they stuck there forever.? ) Smack yourself hard in the face. The so called positive thought you should have is "Without these failures or NOBODY session, do you think you will ever realize or stand up from your state.?" I know it stinks and must be the ancient phrase people use to buck someone up. But then,

If you're never a NOBODY.......
How could you be a SOMEBODY....
No one is born a SOMEBODY......
Everyone is born a BABY........


Friday, September 30, 2005

I should be studying now..??

Ok. So I should be studying now instead of blogging.? Yeah, it's killing me just to cover those syllabus. But then, you still have to do it right.? Hey, isn't that called suicide. Hahahaha, very funny.

Anyway, had dinner in the dark today. My family usually have early dinners like around 6 something and tonight was a little late due to something and guess what, the current suddenly decided to take a rest. Yeah, just about 5 or 10 minutes before dinner we had a black out. How romantic. You happen to eat in the dark with big lamp posts or huge torch light and you got extra companions to eat with you, your ever loyal shadows. But it gets a little irritating when it comes to washing the dishes. Number one, the water is not strong enough. When the electric dies, it means the water pump can't function and the water is flowing like the rate of an old man's pee.? Hahahaha. Don't get offended. Number 2, it's dark even though there is light from torches, it's still dark. Its hard to see, meaning to say you have to pay more attention or spend more time scrubbing all the dishes just to make sure there no stains or else you'll get yelled with how professional is your dish washing skill after washing them for a century. Number 3, there's lots of bugs flying around when there's no electricity. Its deliberately annoying because you're standing there with both of your foot firmly on the ground almost still for about 10 to 15 minutes with your constantly moving arms cleaning this and that and try your best to stand those little bugs flying around your stationary feet.?

Conclusion, it takes a longer time to wash the dishes when there's no electricity and its extra annoying. Hahaha, sorry for exaggerating. This I have to strongly declared is the effect of reading too much science stuffs or having too much scientific terms or words running around my brain cells and trying my best not to let them escape. Hahahaha.

Anyway, ever heard of never giving up and keep looking for something better than what you already have.? Like, if you don't go for it, how would you know whether there are "the better" or "the best" outside there waiting for you.? But then, if you keep thinking of these fantasy of better dreams or hope or "the miracle" to happen and never stop looking which actually is a wonderful perfectly respectable positive attitude, you'll never realize what you found or had is already the best of all.? Its like, you keep looking you'll never even realize that the best is already here. You THINK they are better options waiting for you. I mean, THERE IS but do you actually think you'll find it or get it.? Again.? Oh, I don't know. Should you just settle for what you already have or prepared for you or simply strive for the unforeseen best.? And please, never assumes that, "Oh it doesn't matter. I can just look for it since I've already got this 'dream' here waiting for me. There's no harm looking for a better one and if there's no, I can always go back for it." Hello.? Excuse me but there's no such thing as what that's found awaits for you. Again. And don't you think its rather selfish that you're taking them for granted since you knew perfectly well just because you found them it doesn't mean they're forever entitled to you. They're just as free as you, ready to leave anytime, anywhere. To be recognized and more appreciated by someone else. Just like you, looking for something you'll appreciate more.

Anyway, please forgive me for this weird entry or what I've typed. Just couldn't resist a little fun for my brain cells by typing silly stuffs. Hehehe.


Monday, September 26, 2005

Hot tempered or Hypocrite

Have you done something when your pissed and then wished you hadn't done it.? Well, who doesn't.? No, I'm talking bout privately here. Like cursed like mad, cursed someone, do childish stuff in secret that no one knows just to let yourself off. Or perhaps wrote a 10 foot long article bitching about someone or something that happen and threw it away the next moment.

Next thing you know, you thought you're suppose to feel better after that. Guess what, you don't. In fact you feel worse. This, is quite unsurprising. If you just had a little time to think about it before you start shooting at yourself or to some unfortunate belongings of yours. But then, when you're pissed, time seems to froze and more like someone just pushed the PAUSE button of your brain cells function and at that very moment, all you can think of is how pissed you are. How the freak is why would this or that happen or how could that freak do this to you or how could I be so stupid. How could it happen. But is really letting it out the best thing ever or just be the generous you and gulped it once and for all.?

Excuse me, once in for all.? Hardly, you're just burying it deep inside your heart and memory cells. Just like lava building up inside the volcano and ready to explode as soon as its full or sudden earthquake triggers the mantel. Just like sudden exposure resulting in climax eruption. And guess what, its fatal. Almost.

But then, small eruptions or people with bad anger management that loses their temper all the time are those who we despised. Why.? Because they're being a butt head.? Or because they'll just explode all the time making your and his/her life difficult and it's just impossible to live with it.? Honestly, they might be a pain in the ass and it takes lots of "small bursts" to cause fatal accidents. But, they're more likely to show you the REAL them. (more likely, not necessarily yes)

What about those that just smiled at you or just act like nothings wrong and just let it go and say, "It doesn't matter", "Forget it, I'm fine", "Its over, nevermind" But their inside is actually boiling like mad. Not boiling, more like bubbles are about to emerged. Close to boiling, but always never managed to since the FIRE isn't strong enough. And when one day a big fire is lit, guess what, you'll get a major volcano eruption that can cause fatal results. Sounds familiar doesn't it. But so what, familiar stuffs all around us everyday are those that we missed everyday.

By the way, do you know that star fish is the only animal that can turn inside out.?


Saturday, September 17, 2005

Stop self condemning...

When I started to blog, it was just because I was bored. Spending lots of time in front of the computer all the time. And it's obvious from my early entries, it seems like I'm only complaining how bored my life is, how COMMON is my daily life. When something come up, you'll go like WOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW. And then start complaining why does this sort of unfortunate things happen to me.? And start blaming everyone.?

I realize I like to condemn myself. Not blame myself but I always feel rather guilty to certain things. But humans like to blame someone else when something happen or just simply grab anything that can be blame. But why hah.? Though, I don't blame people on unfortunate happenings. I don't see the point of doing so, I find it rather useless. I mean, what's the point.? It's not gonna bring you anywhere by blaming someone. Well perhaps you'll buy yourself a certain period of relief where you'll feel better because you make yourself believe (lying to yourself) that you're not responsible for what happen. You just happen to BE THERE. Typical, but hoh, I like to blame myself. Why hah.? But then, what's the use of condemning myself.? Hmmmmmmm. Even though I'm not the kind of person that blames God when something bad happen, I don't. Because I don't trust God would want something bad happen to me or to anyone. You're a human which is capable of making your own choice of which path to choose and with each choice, you have to face and accept the consequences that follows. No matter its good or bad, you picked it yourself. Okay, consider that when something bad comes along, something unexpected, would you start blaming God why he put you in such a miserable unbearable state.? Well, He didn't ask you to choose it snd none of us wished for it to happen. It just did. Accident.? Or God is testing you.? I would say whatever path you chose, you can't expect it to be 100% perfect can't you.? Not to curse yourself that something less fortunate would happen but at least be a little psychologically prepared for unforeseen circumstances. Well, its not as easy as its said, it takes time. After all, you chose it yourself. God wouldn't forbid you which path not to choose, but he will guide you through it. If it wasn't for that, you wouldn't have realize God was there all this while, would you.? Who knows, He has better plans for you.? I mean, no one knows what gonna happen next right.? Yeah, that's true but its usually used for self reassuring. Self comforting.

Guess this fact is just the same with the famous "you won't realize what's good or appreciate what you had all the time unless its no longer yours or when something happen and you need it badly but guess what, its no longer there waiting for you to realize or authorize its presence. I mean, why bother.? It was here all the time but guess it's just invisible to your naked eyes. How sad, yet, you deserved it.

When people seek advice, the way they called it, they're more like seeking for a sympathetic ear or some comforting words. Which, I could never offer. Its not that I'm cold blooded or whatever, though I am a little bit. But, well I'm a realist. I won't sweet talk or says comforting stuff to make you feel better by upgrading you and downgrading others. Its like, its just not me. I'll just shoot and attack them back. But weirdly hoh, they say its harsh, but it works. Hahahaha

I queued for one and half hour today just to buy a few buns. Pretty stupid huh.? Guess that's the magic of curiosity. Or the foolishness of curiosity. Hehehe.

I have to stop condemning myself....


Sunday, September 11, 2005


睡着的大提琴 安静的旧旧的

我懂我也知道 你没有舍不得

牵着你陪着我 也只是曾经

你要我说多难堪 我根本不想分开
我没有这种天份 包容你也接受他
不用担心的太多 我会一直好好过
你已经远远离开 我也会慢慢走开
我真的没有天份 安静的没这么快
我会学着放弃你 是因为我太爱你

Friday, September 09, 2005

Spontaneously written

I hold my tears back,
You're answers caught me aback.

I couldn't look at my boo,
For I'll cry like the loo.

Tears fall from heaven,
We're both madly driven.

Dated in a drop of silence,
What a dear of remembrance.

For time runs so fast,
Its meant to be the last.

Oh! Where's tomorrow dust.?
Buried, in our very own trust.

A moment of tortured pain,
Which returned great gains.

Saturday, September 03, 2005

Beyond Expectation

Is the world full of miracles.? Have you personally encountered one.? Or something similar.? Something that happen all of a sudden that it didn't only caught you aback but its so freaking hard for you just to believe it.? And no matter how hard you try to believe it, you can't. But you just have to. So, how do you take it.? With wide open arms or a long drougy face.? Well of course, this "beyond expectation" has a gigantic range. Good or bad, and different conditions of course has different options.

Sometimes, when you've made a decision ( you thought you're superb firm and never gonna change it no matter what cause you know you're stubborn enough to stick to that ) That, is the exact thing you'll never get or the exact thing that backfired. And are you still that stubborn.?

Sometimes, you have no choice but to accept it. And if so, why not happily.? With a big heart. Then it wouldn't be so bad after all. But of course, its not as easy as it's said. Sometimes, for someone, something its just too hard to be accepted. Being able to accept is already another miracle itself. And to do it with such a willing happy heart is rather fictitious.

But then, what about for those stubborn ones, like me.? Well, are you stubborn enough to ignore what's been happening.? Or indulged it yourself rather than accepting the very fact that its not gonna change, for you.? At this peak, you're not only stubborn but stupid, foolish, idiotic, whatever you called it. Of course, ignore as you wish. But then, you're forever buried in this situation unless you wake up. Hoping for the situation to change for you. You might be lucky once in a while, but then majority of the time you don't. You can't always expect everyone or everything to change for you just because you can't. Just because you're too narrow minded to believe it or to accept it. So suit yourself in the world of your own. After all, no ones gonna care or bother that. And don't start pointing at everyone for not caring because you asked for it yourself. There's no one to be blame. And well, that time, you'll sulk. Like mad.

Sometimes, you might want to ask yourself, why that stubborn.? Are you really happy to stay the same.? To keep your so called self principle or character.? That you're so brave to be in your stand. So proud to.?

In fact, no. You're the chicken, the self acclaim that had actually sunk to the lowest level of all. The bravest person are those who are able to overcome themselves, not those that can overcome something just to show that they are brave but never to themselves. What's the use if to the whole world you're brave and good one when deep down, you're perfectly sure that you're not at all.? You'll live of course, but inside, you're about the saddest thing of all.

Friday, August 26, 2005


How would you define someone as a fool.? Someone who thinks like an idiot.? Or those who talk and behave like one.?

Homosapiens ranged differently. Geniuses, intelligent ones, smart ones, average ones, normal ones or simply a nincompoop.

But how do one actually differentiate them.? Categorized them.? When their young. It could be based on their academic results. What about those who failed.? School drop outs.? Even people who are on the top of the world today are school drop outs. Or, whether do they succeed in their life or not.? Then, what would you call a successful life.? When you earned a million.? When you're having your very own happy family.? When your dreams are fulfilled.? When you found your life partner.? When you've climbed to the top of the stairs.? Or simply when you've graduated.? Running your own company successfully.?

Its different for every person. In fact, its not only different. Not every person can actually define out their very own successful or meaningful life. I for one, can't.

Do smart people or geniuses make foolish mistakes.? Or simply did foolish stuffs.? Everyone make mistakes. After all, no one is perfect. Sometimes, being foolish is necessary. Would you call that a fool then.? Or a smart person for knowing when to be smart and when to be foolish.?

Would you call someone foolish when they're 100 percent clear of what they're doing is stupid and irrational but doing it on purpose because if they don't, they're still being called a fool too.? A person doing a foolish thing is called a fool, but if you don't, are you smart then.? Oh, I don't know, at least I know a fool still has a brave heart. Though, dangerous, irrational. Whatever you called it. But haven't you heard of the Chinese saying, A fool has a fool happiness. 傻人有傻福.

Of course it doesn't mean smart people doesn't have their own happiness. Just that smart people usually are too smart and would count out all the possible options and consequences. And whether their brave enough or simply could they take the chance.? Normally, they take the best option according to their calculations or what they called their analysis and that's the one that had the minimum risk or no risk at all. After all, they're the logic rational cold blooded people who unsurprisingly survive in this damn materialistic realistic world. EARTH. (we ain't living in a fairy land or fantasy world. Well physically.)

But does a fool really doesn't know the consequences.? Or they're perfectly aware of it but still go for it because they're brave.? Or simply just a fool trying out their luck.? But then, how could you called them a fool when they knew.? They're called a fool not because they don't know. Its because they DO know and still go for it.

I'm nothing but a fool....

Monday, August 22, 2005

Praise the lord!!!!

Praise the Lord.! Thank god so much!!
I wonder will anyone feel odd at the title of this entry or even think twice to read this entry. Afraid that this must be a very Christian entry. Well you'll decide after you take a look.

We had a class trip yesterday, 20th August 2005. This is a day none of us who joined this trip will ever forget. There were 29 of us, 24 from my class, 2 teachers. One brought along her daughter and nephew. Another teacher brought along his friend. We went to the Kura-kura hill at Tamparuli. Our main destination was the waterfall. We were told its a 2 and half hour journey to reach the second waterfall where we'll be able to enjoy ourselves. And also, we were trapped for almost 3 hours on our way out at the evening.

The entrance of the Bukit Kura-kura (tortoise hill)

We started our journey at 11 a.m. and it was ACTUALLY hiking the hill. With numerous uphill and downhill. Not to mention the weather lately which is very wet, creating a harder track for us. There were spots where it was hard to hike due to loosen soil and some obvious effects of land slide. Those hiking at the back had a harder time because the soil got worse after we cross them. Resulting in quite many spot where they have to slide down because its so damp and slippery and it's impossible to HIKE or WALK down (none of us were equipped with any hiking equipments) even worse. The plants(small branches and trunks) we hold on to while hiking is broken by the time others reach the same spot. Before we reached the first water fall, it started to rain. Heavily mind you, making it harder for us. Only a few brought rain coats and it took us one hour and twenty minutes to reach the first water fall. And it was still raining heavily that time. Imagine our joy when we reached there and saw the heavenly waterfall where its not the spot for fun time.

The first waterfall..Kinda blur...It was raining that time...

A clearer view of the fall...but blur friends...

So we continue hiking, the track was getting worse all the time. Those at the back being less fortunate. We have to help each other out to cross over some difficult spots where there was no way to walk or hike or slide over. In fact we have to climb the wall of rocks and soil that's starting to loose, to make matters worse, the plants we hold on to consist of small branches with lots of thorns that we try our best to avoid. And if you're not careful, you might just run into it. Those who were, it's still hard to avoid not touching it or getting to your face or accidentally grabbing it for support.

It was raining when we reached the second waterfall at exactly 4 pm and they were only 8 or 9 of us that reached first. The rest didn't came until quite a while, we were lucky to be in front. To enjoy the cooling water. Had some fun playing water, drinking natural mineral water, cleaned ourselves out.

Having fun at the second waterfall...

But time was running out. When latter part of the group came, we gather up, preparing to leave before it gets darker. We were all tired but the rest were not only tired, they wanted to finish the entire route as fast as possible and head out back home. But by that time, there were still 5 person who hasn't turn up. They were at the back. One girl's leg got injured but we were told to move on. One of our teacher had actually left early because of his friend's appointment whatsoever. Anyway, we moved on, with our other teacher staying behind with a few students waiting for the other 5. Her nephew who was the second person beside her who been there before lead us out. I forget to mention that all this while from the very beginning, hikers left white shredded paper all the way to guide us. So that we'll never get lost. And the entire track beside having thorns here and there, it was more like a jungle. Bushes everywhere.

It was around 5 p.m. when we left the second waterfall and it was still raining. To head out to the main road, we have to cross a river. As in walk across it, no bridge, just walk. And after about half an hour hike, we were joined by our teacher and the rest shortly before we reached the downhill towards the river. The rain had stopped by that time. That was where we were trapped at the evening in the middle of Kura-kura hill.

Because of the heavy downpour earlier at the day, the river flow(current) was very strong and there was absolutely no way we can WALK ACROSS it to the other side of the hill without being washed away by the river and survived through it. We were stranded. It was getting dark. It was around 5.30 plus to 6 that time, we were psychology prepared to stay the night until the next morning where there will be light and hoping we'll be able to cross the river then. The track at that spot was a one person track. All of us sat down at a warmer spot and partly shaded. All of us in row. There was a place at the end of the one-person track that has a shade and all of us can sit in a circle. But did we go.? No. We were afraid it would started to rain again and that would be the exact spot where it would be affected most. LAND SLIDE. Most of our belongings were wet, even water proof backpack didn't work. Those with dry clothing changed. We have food and water with us, we have everyone, we have blankets, jackets. Though all were wet. The girl with an injured leg is okay. A girl brought first aid kit, but we have no torch lights, only phones with lights. But thank god, it was full moon that night, with lots of stars too. So it wasn't that dark. We didn't panicked or whatsoever, the only thing that worried us was our parents. The cold night coming and the ability to stay awake and save energy at the same time. Why can't we sleep to save our energy.? Because we'll get colder when you're asleep and it's difficult to wake you up later. And they said it's easier to get into a coma state. All of us prayed hard, no matter what religion we were, we just prayed. And all that time we heard noises which sound like whistles sound. Our teacher had a whistle and whistled the emergency code. But there weren't any response. Only noisy insects that sounds like the real whistle sound. There were lights too occasionally, not very bright ones, those of fireflies. We whistled and yell every time we hear these noises or saw bright lights but none of them brought response. Were we scared.? We prayed hard, we sang, we talked, we joked. Waiting for the night to pass.

Until around 9p.m, we saw bright white lights. Really bright ones. We whistled, screamed, flashed our phones lights. And soon after that, a few yellow lights crosses the river from the other side and came towards us.

Yahooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We were rescued!!!! The villagers helped us to cross the river one by one and lead us the way back out. It was still an hour walk or hike out to the main road. And mind you, we were lead by two kids that's not more than 10 years old. The others at the back were lead by adults villagers but they checked up with the kids in time to time. The villagers said that they came for us because they didn't saw us heading out after such a long time passing their houses. And half way hiking out, hikers came or they called it as H. They came looking for us. It was even easier that time, they were more people with more torches.

We reached the main road at around 10 something. Some of our parents were overjoyed to see us. Yes, there were parents there waiting for us. Some hikers and police too. And we were very grateful of the villagers and our bus driver. He lodged a police report earlier because we didn't turn up at time. We gather around, counts head for about the hundredth time. And well, head home. Some followed the bus, the rest followed their respective parents.

I reached home around 11.15, dead tired. Scratches and small bruises here and there. Muscle pain all over and still, I was overjoyed. To be rescued, to be heard by god. None of us were hurt. A friend does have an injured leg who almost fainted on her way out, but she's alright now.

A few hours spend..
Hiking to a water fall...
Dirty, filthy, and wet...
Great fun to some.....
But none to some......
Stranded in the middle of a hill....
Cold, damp, worried and tired...
We stayed together...stayed united....
Everyone is alright now....
Everyone is grateful now......
A great memory shared....
An unforgetable experience....
And thanks to everyone.....
Especially GOD....

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

What...who and who.........

"It's not about what you know....."

"Who gives a damn about that......"

"It's about who you know..........."

"Who cares about who you know......"

"It's who KNOW you that matters....."

Wednesday, August 10, 2005


Have you ever dream within a dream.?
Have you ever blog within a blog.?

My blog is more than one year old and all this while I never dreamt about it. Perhaps I did, but hardly remember it. Majority of humans wake up thinking they had a peaceful sleep last night, so peaceful that no dreams interfere them to wake up or some annoying noises. But then, majority of dreams are forgotten even before you wake up or the instant you woke. Unless it is something really nerve wrecking or interesting or significant or have been re-appearing over and over again, we hardly remember what it is. Even if we do, we can't remember much about it. Only tiny bits, no matter how hard you try. You can't finish up the puzzle. Well, maybe some do succeed. What about sleep walking or sleep talking.? Sleep walking are considered to be quite dangerous if not handled wisely. Some reckons that when you sleep, your soul leave your body and wander around. And when it's time, it will return. Meaning to say, if you try to woke them when they're sleep walking, its dangerous. I dunno, but rather fictitious heh.? (meaning for those who uses alarms clocks, their soul came running back to their body once it starts ringing.? Hmmmmmmm) Honestly speaking, being on earth for more than 18 years, I've personally encountered a one time experience of sleep walking. Yeah, I walked. Small stuff. When I was a kiddo anyway. Some reckon that if someone did something to your face when you're asleep, like drawing silly stuffs on your face, have weird cosmetics resulting in an odd or unusual facial of you, it was said that when your soul return, there is the possibility that you will never wake up for your soul couldn't recognize it's very own body and well won't return to it. Hmmmm, pretty interesting heh.? Sounds like a myth.? Hmmmmmmmm. Sleep talking well is pretty common. I myself is a heavy sleep talker. Hahahaha. Anyway, sleep talking occur only to people whose deeply asleep or extremely tired during the day. O0opsss...

Coming back, I've actually had a weird dream the other day. I actually dreamt about my blog. It was a queer feeling where I was pretty excited bout my blog. But then there was a weird entry, that me myself was so shocked to see it appear in my blog. Concerning the fact that I didn't post such an entry, an anti religious one. Funny thing is, I could remember well that I was confused myself as I don't even know whether I post such an entry. Wondering why would I post such entry.? Or did I really post it.? This entry, being anti-religious. It's actually anti-Christian with such compelling text. And on top of all these captivating text, it actually comes with a pornographic website. Pretty irrelevant.? And I actually woke up thinking that I've been updating my blog. It's a weird weird dream, and it's bound to claim it's residency in my brain cells for some time. Hmmm, I didn't even realize I remember so much about it. Hmmmmmmm. I'm only reading a second Dan Brown, such strong effect eh...

Did I mention.? I'm a Christian.

A hibernating one.*sigh*....Lord come save me.....

Thursday, July 28, 2005

Out of no where....

Issues floating on the surface of this lively giant sphere bear dark consequences that hardly venture into the heart of it's billions inhabitants. Incurable diseases, poverty, starvation, tremendous number of children dying every second, minute, hour, day. All these somehow seems too common to be seen or heard but sadly, barely triggered enough loving souls to lend their helping hands. Even good Samaritan possess a pair of mighty visible blind eye towards the needy. Millions of young innocent fragile life's are wasted, abandoned by irresponsible parents whose degree of selfishness goes beyond the limit. Why bring them here if not intend to, worse, preparing to discard the defenseless. Out of no where, tonnes of unforgivable reasons are thrown out. Armed with the courage to go against the will in creating an unwanted life, but not with one to face it. Thousands on the other side of this planet prayed day and night longing for their very own flesh and blood and yet incapable of it. Only one in a million would take the winding path, adoption. Where are the democrats.? Those who shows everyone or simply the media with beautiful promises that ends as soon as the boasty speech does. Bought the heart of sympathetic or rather shallow minded civilians, touched or fooled by these wonderful promising words and falls exactly into the widely stretched out arms that finally got hold of the extra vote.

I actually wrote this out of no where, again in the middle of a biology class after reading a rather sad but good piece from reader's digest July 2005.


Sunday, July 24, 2005

Where my fingers bring me....

I actually fall asleep half way through my latest post. Geeeeeee, guess I was totally wiped out.

The number of post in my dashboard is finally working. Its actually up to date which leaves me realize that I haven't got that much of entries in my blog. Should I be blogging more often.? There are countless of time where I just click the big X of the Mozilla Firefox after typing an entire new entry. Why.? It just doesn't seem right to post certain things, especially extra personal one. Or just a me, myself and Kelly's talk. But sometimes, you just couldn't resist to type or write it out. But when I reread it, a second voice appeared. And well, it's better not to post it.

I was shopping this noon and a Chinese sales girl spoke to me in English. Not broken but having a little problem in telling me what she tend to. And when I spoke to her in Chinese, she shows a sense of relief through her expressions. I find it amusing, yet it left me wondering why she spoke to me in English. Whether because I look Eurasian or because I look like a mix race local girl and it's impolite to speak to me in Malay because she's afraid that it would look like she's looking down on me.? Oo0opps! Race discrimination.? I'm not such a racist person. But still, I do have a some misconception or dislike towards certain race or their characters that seems to flow in certain race's blood. It's like, when some particular things happen, you'll know straight away what kind of people did it. What race did it. And some obvious character or attitude or beliefs. It simply just reflect their own race or religion. Well beliefs could be accepted in terms of their very own religion but I really don't get the superstitious thingy. I mean, stuffs like Feng Shui, traditional laws, beliefs or culture. Here, some Chinese Christians and majority of Buddhist actually applied it. I mean, no offense but I find it highly amusing and hilarious. Anyone that can think rationally or logically can interpret the degree of actualness in it. Perhaps they just like to drift a little bit from reality. With a slight breeze (certain ODD beliefs) it will make them feel much better. Though obviously torturing your mind with such temporary or non existent beautifully decorated illusion. Or what people like us called it, LIE.

I sincerely declare that I have no idea why I would brag about race. And forgive me if I offend anyone who's reading. By the way, I read Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince a few days ago. Well, it's kind of disappointing. Considering of the previous ones in the series. It has a fine beginning, but in the middle, it potrays a more narrating genre in a different way. It's like, it keeps flashes back. Keep telling story within a story. And there isn't much exciting part or twisty plots that keeps you reading until you finish which exist in some of the previous books. With interesting plots that keeps you wanting to know what happens next. It's like the aura is missing. It gets better near the ending though, the climax where there's more action. And with a dark ending. Guess it emphasize a better story and also the power of the black side more. And well, its okay but not as good as the previous ones. I still prefer the third book. Hehehe...

Well, on top of it, I still love the Da Vinci Code. Hehehe..


Monday, July 18, 2005

The Bomb

Living in these days,
Struggled through the weeks,
Flew by invisible in months,
Deteriorated in years,
Killed, in unknowing time.

Confused as he is,
Torn between the precious duo,
Withstand the bomb implanted,
Explode in time, where no one knows.

Where, shall he head then.
With the bomb in board,
Two junctions laid before him,
Greet the right, bid the left,
And the same, vice versa,
Uncertain, he remain stationary,
Then the bomb, shan't be pull.

Hush!! It's a pressured bomb,
It does not wait,
Nor does it warn.
It has no trigger,
Manual as it's born,
It burst, automatically.

He'll have to wait,
Preparing, yet, unaware
The unforeseen black day,
Today, tomorrow, when.?

17 July 2005....2350

Monday, July 11, 2005


Time flies without any warning doesn't it.? Well it actually does, but guess humans are too bold to realize it. And when they did, they're groaning that 24 hours a day is really insufficient to maintain our daily routine. But then, who are we to complain.? One thing about being on this planet earth is that no matter how certain issues is unfair or totally ridiculous in the sense of equality, there's one thing that never fail the degree of fairness. That's time. I think God made an excellent job here. No one will have less or more than the 24 hours given. Some people think it's more than enough, while most of the rest wish its more than that. But then, the issue still depends on how human utilize their every second. And if managed wisely, the 24 hours is just about the best interval. And no matter what, it still come back to how well human cope with the natural being on earth right. Since well, there's just something you can't change or being altered by any human or inhumane act. Sadly, it doesn't fall within the boundary of the number one issue, the environment.

Anyway, where am I heading. This week is the Test Week, starting tomorrow. Heck, it will be the last test before our mock exam. Geeeeee, the pressure is loading heavily and this is not good. Not good..

I wrote a poem today, during biology. Yeah, I know I should be concentrating in my lessons but I don't think there's more than 2 or 3 person who is actually listening to her. It's a disrespect and just because of this it doesn't permit me to do the same thing, but hell. Being able to stay in her class is already a miracle. Maybe I'll try to listen next time. (very unlikely) Anyway, I wanted to post the poem but I couldn't find it. I have no idea where I slipped that piece of paper. Lame eh, guess it isn't good enough to cover up the fact I'm a lousy poet.


Thursday, June 30, 2005

I started schooling at the age of 4, unlike some smart kids, they were 'sent' to nursery or whatever is it at the age of 2 and half.? Or some 3.? Anyway, for almost 16 years I've studied, I was never late to school. Not even once. Punctual huh.? I broke my record today. What a day for a record breaking for I was informed last night there would be a checking today. Lead by a new Pk HEM teacher. Ok, Pk Hem stands for "penolong kanan hal ehwal murid". The principal's assistant who is incharge of student's affair. When I arrived, all the prefects were gathered in the field between the two blocks of classrooms. Mind you, its 7.00++ I think. Not hot, but well, rather distracting or gathering lots of attention from all the classes. Though, they were forbidden to do so, having lessons what. Anyway, I was late but luckily managed to sneak in unnoticed by the ahemmmmmm. After all the prefects got lectured for like 20 to 30 minutes, we marched off the 'check' the students. Concerning their appearances only. After gathering all the students with 'appearance problem', this time, the field behind the hall. Guess it was too distracting after all. And well, here comes the second lecture. This is a very very very new thing to La Salle, considering the poor administration and old system. And the down side of the discipline, Weeeeeeeeeee..What kind of la sallian is this.? Ouch.

Anyway, my back hurts so much today. Results of being stabbed repeatedly. I could be bitchy or perhaps I'm much of a bitch, but then, I don't stabbed people's back. The most I do is well, scratch them a little bit. (being nosy, gossiping, girl's nature) But I don't go around and accuse people. Telling tales just to cover up themselves. Worst, trying to buy sympathy or trying to make other look worst by using the most ridiculous weapon of all, TEARS. And that's because they're too chicken shit to own up for themselves. Hadn't the courage to face someone but armed with the courage to stab someone from behind. Attempting to bring the opponent down in such a losers way. And clearly, the attempt failed when everyone is used to this peculiar type of action. Too bad, guess I wasn't the only opponent.

Tuesday, June 21, 2005

Cruelty of science..??

I got into class today with everyone playing around with 7 hamsters and 2 guinea pigs. It was entertaining, they were adorable. Hamsters were running around in their desks. Classmates taking turns to hold the guinea pigs, feeding them constantly. For they're left with less than 2 hours of life to be spared.!!

Cruelty.? Think so.? Apparently we had to dissect hamsters today. With each group dissecting one, whether a white mice or hamster. It was suppose to be white mice, but then our biology teacher reckons that we're not profession enough. So we settle for hamsters instead. Cruel isn't it.? Since they're pets, mind you, very cute ones. Some of our classmates even got scolded by those pet shop owners or those hawkers in gaya street. We were requesting for hamsters, not so cute ones so that it will be easier to terminate. (the word kill seems too harsh isn't it?) And well, that person sell hamsters for pets, not terminating an innocent life for biology class.

So, we dissected these hamsters nicely and correctly. We can't waste a rather cute life can't we.?

I'm gonna skipped the dissection progress because well, it's not disgusting. But preferably not discuss about it. Though, the termination of the poor little creature is harder to bear than dissecting it. And after separating all the organs at the end of the dissection, the heart of the hamster is still pumping. Nope, I'm not kidding. And it's dead.

I'm dissecting hamsters again next week. This time, one on one. No group dissection. Ouch!

Saturday, June 18, 2005

Good or Bad, Hard to Say

Once upon a time, there was a king. The king liked one of his followers very much because he was very wise and always gave very useful advice. Therefore the king took him along wherever he went.

One day, the king was bitten by a dog, the finger was injured and the wound was getting worse. He asked the follower if that was a bad sign. The follower said, 'Good or bad, hard to say'. In the end, the finger of the king was too bad that had to be cut. The king asked the follower again if that was a bad sign. Again, the follower gave the same answer, 'Good or bad, hard to say'. The king became very angry and sent the follower to prison.

One day, the king went hunting in the jungle. He got excited when he was on the chase of a deer. Deeper and deeper he went inside the jungle. In the end he found himself lost in the jungle. To make thing worse, he got captured by the native people lived inside the jungle. They wanted to sacrifice him to their god. But when they noticed that the king had one finger short, they released him immediately as he was not a perfect man anymore and not suitable for sacrifice.

The king managed to get back to his palace after all. And he finally understood the follower's wise quote, 'Good or bad, hard to say'. If he hadn't lost one finger, he could have been killed by the native people. He ordered to release the follower, and apologized to him. But to the king amaze, the follower was not mad at him at all. Instead, the follower said, 'It wasn't a bad thing that you locked me up.' Why? Because if the king hadn't locked the follower up, he would have brought the follower along to the jungle. If the native found that the king was not suitable, they would have used the follower.

Again, the quote 'Good or bad, hard to say' stands. The moral of the story is that everything that happens in this world, there is no absolute good or bad. Sometimes good things turned out to be bad things eventually, while bad things become a gain. Whatever good things that happen to you, enjoy it, but don't have to hold too tight to it, treat it as a surprise in your life. Whatever bad things that happen to you, don't have to feel too sad or despair, in the end, it
might not be a total bad thing after all. If one can understand this, he or she will find life much easier.

Sunday, June 12, 2005

The Bible

A young man from a wealthy family was about to graduate from high school. It was a custom in that affluent neighborhood for the parents to give the graduate an automobile. This young man and his father had spent months looking at cars, and the week before graduation, they found the perfect car. He was certain that the car would be his on graduation night.

Imagine his disappointment when, on the eve of his graduation, his father handed him a gift-wrapped Bible! He was so angry, he threw the Bible down and stormed out of the house. He and his father never saw each other again. It was the news of his father's death that brought him home again.

As he sat one night, going through his father's possessions that he was to inherit, he came across the Bible his father had given him. He brushed away the dust and opened it to find a cashier's check, dated the day of his graduation, in the exact amount of the car they had chosen.

Adapted from Chicken Soup for the Teenage Soul


I guess everyone has at least once wished that time is reversible. Wishing for something that's not gonna happen no matter what. Though, we still do. Why.? To assure yourself.? To comfort yourself.? To make yourself feel better.?

If time could freeze, what will you do.? Erase the history.? Change the current happenings.?

If time could just freeze for a minute, and you start to look around you. What you have and most importantly, appreciate what you've got. To live in a harmonious family with family and friends to love you and to love back. To have a house you can call home. To have clothes to wear. To have food to feed yourself. To have a place to study. To have a job to earn money. To have your own money you can spend. To be alive and have a life.

But how often will everyone actually come across this.? Usually, once in a life time. That's when your lying in your very own death bed.

(You might think if that's life, it's too simple. How can someone be so easily satisfied.? Well, the truth is, the more simple it is, the more easily you're satisfied. And the easier you are to be happy. Perhaps, you're just asking for too much.? Too much that it overflowed or you couldn't digest it and you puke in return.? )

Life would be much better if you just know what you've got. Accept it, appreciate it (you don't have to complain that much) And not what you don't have that others have. You have to appreciate what you have. What's the use of appreciating something not yours when you're not even appreciating your very owns.? Appreciate yourself before looking for someone. For how are you gonna appreciate them when you don't even appreciate who you are. WHAT you are.

Have faith in yourself before having faith at people. Trust yourself before trying to gain someone else's trust. You might be surprised with what's installed in you. And for you.


Monday, May 23, 2005

Happy Birthday..!!!

It's finally a year i've started this blog. Happy Birthday!!


Exam still on..*Sigh*...!!

Thursday, May 12, 2005

Lousy but heart warming?

You know, most blockbuster movies has the worse critics judgments of all. It makes me wonder a lot on what accounts does critics judge these movies. What are their judgments based on. But then, there is no such thing like a written criteria on what's the virtues or characteristics or certain requirements needed to be graded as excellent, good or lousy movies. But then, we always complain lousy endings or lousy story line of movies, like its the same old thing running again. Just re-packaged differently added with some extra new things. But it still got our attention didn't it.? Apparently we just fall for it over and over again. And most of these movies is about love, whether between your life partners or families or friends and even pets. And sometime the message was emphasized so strong that we're always touched by it. Most heart warming movies, with the world most simple story line can be a major blockbuster. Because, what gets into your heart matters most.

But then, I'm not saying that adrenaline pumping movies is not heart warming or what. They're still nice, exciting and nteresting plot that made you drooled over them. And perhaps you never realized or did realize but never thought about it, every single movie whether horror, adventure, comedy or action has bits of romance in it.? In other words, it conveys the message of love. And that's where humans fall for it. Feel so happy or touched because it caught us. And with that, every other elements in that movies seems much more pleasant or nicer.

I personally prefer English movies to eastern one. Be it drama series or movies, I still prefer the English one. Why.? Because well, for the eastern thingy especially Chinese, not only that it's always the same message, even most of the plot is the same. Practically, It's so similar that you actually know what's gonna happen next or how it's gonna be or why did that happen. It's so predictable that eventually you lost the interest to go on watching it. So familiar that you can actually plot them yourself. So, why bother watching it.? Another thing is, it's so sickening that eastern movies copied western movies ideas. Maybe it's not copying, REFERRING only, but then, its still basically not original. And English or western idea's are well, not so dead. It seems that they got more to act or I don't know, fresher ideas perhaps.? Though not brilliant ones.?

I've been neglecting to watch a movie for a long time. It's like, I was so anxious to watch that movie at first, to download it, to get it. But once I got hold of it, I just laid back. Like,"Why bother.? It's not going anywhere. You can watch it anytime as you pleased. What's the rush.?" And two days ago, I watched it. It was magnificent. So heart warming that I shed tears for it. So touching. It could be simple, but it's just so nice. And it totally contains something that got the heart of Oscar for it has lots of Oscar nominations. But most of all, I was attracted to the movie at first because of the actor, Johnny Depp. Heheheh. Anyway, what I'm talking about is Finding Neverland. It's just amazing why certain simple story line's always manage to get into our hearts. Just like what critics labeled as rubbish or unbearable.

A walk to remember, do I like it.? I love it.
Is it simple.? Way too simple.
Is it heart warming.? Definitely.

Monday, May 09, 2005


06 May 2005...2015

Sometimes, life is so unpredictable or funny that its a wonder how sudden certain perspective in life could be introduced to you in a split second. Put it the other way, its not introduced, its just something that's been buried in you for a long time, and they're brought up to the surface because, finally they're being recognized. This happens a lot to me. Because well, I'm very obstinate.

I was washing the dishes about 30 minutes ago, when suddenly the thought of my childhood friends venture into my brain cells. Call me insane or what, but most of my ideas or thoughts came to me whenever I'm doing something on my own, be it washing the dishes, massaging my dad, jogging, swimming or just even laying down. Anyway, I realize that my childhood friends are mostly English literate, as in, our primary language in school is English. We do speak Chinese but not much. For your information, I'm not Chinese literate. I speak Hakka and Cantonese due to my parents origin, but I learn mandarin from school or friends. I can't read Chinese but I've improved after a year or two of kindergarten Chinese tuition when I was still in primary school. And my level of Chinese words now is just enough to understand forward emails, song lyrics and SMS. And that's why most of my childhood primary school friends are also Chinese blind. Chinese blind, but not Chinese mute or Chinese deaf. We understand Chinese well enough, we just don't know the words. But then, it's still a little embarrassing. We might be not if we're living 10 or 20 years back, for everyone is so proud to be English literate. But then for today, it is. There was once I was totally embarrassed when a Malay guy ask me about the headlines of a Chinese newspaper and he was shocked when I said I couldn't read Chinese. And he made no effort to hide his surprise. I mean afterall, why should he.? He didn't tease me or what, but he started to keep wondering what those words mean with other Malay girls. Then, I went over to have a look at the newspaper, and thank god, I happen to just know those few words. Back to my friends, did I mention, I was enrolled in a Malay primary school.? Why Malay, not English.? Well, non-Chinese primary school are actually more Malay than English, though most people would say it's English. You can say it now, but back to my time in primary school, it was really Malay school.

Then, things change when we get into secondary school, naturally we spoke more Chinese. But then, it changed even more for me. I transferred to KK when I was in form 2 and got into All Saints and mind you, I got into one of the bottom class. Why.? Contributions of an old man who is about to retired in a week who just shoooooo me into any class which has available seats. Anyway, it was the kind of experience I'll never forget. And that must be the laziest year of my whole education life. Why.? At first I do mind about the status of being in one of the bottom classes, but it didn't bother me long. It was fun. The people was fun. They weren't that selfish. They won't be guarding you all day long just in case you could scored better in your mathematics paper. And that's also when I speak Chinese most of the time. Did my English suffer.? Well, I was never top English student or whatever, I just sank to the average level. After form 2, I switch to Lok Yuk, where once again I'm back to usual class standard. It was obvious who are the Chinese gang and who are the English gang. Everyone was friendly and knowing someone in advanced, she brought me to the Chinese gang. Well bout those gangs, all of us speak Chinese, but the English gang are just the upper English level compared to Chinese gang, who is average. As for me, I just got close to one of the girl from the Chinese gang. I mean really close until today. And I guess I was the only one from the 'Chinese gang' that has a better relationship with the English gang. Somehow, this sort of changes reflected my language literacy. I spoke English a lot as well, but only to certain people. But when it comes to close one, Chinese is always the top priority. Except my dad who loves to lectures me in English.

And now that I'm in tertiary education level, (mind you, Form 6 might be in secondary school but it's definitely tertiary level) I speak even more English. But I still speak Chinese with my own close friends. But English still lingers with my conversation. I've actually got commented that my Chinese sounds weird. Weird it has some sort of accent or slang which obviously shows that I'm not Chinese literate. I speak fast whether in English or Chinese, but I can never scold in Chinese. I'll get stucked. I can't remember those words. Or simply I don't know what word to use. And with the ego in me, I don't like to lose. Perfectionist.?Maybe a little. I just well, shoots in English with some speed that most of them kept quiet not because they're afraid of me. But because they could hardly catch a word I said. Hahaha. Very funny. I can even shoot in Chinese, but only simple ones. Heheheh...

06 May 2005..2045



I have been getting lots and lots of idea cramming in my brain cells at the same time which is both good and bad. But the thing is, when you know you don't have the time to blog or you just couldn't blog (compliments of tmnet), It's like, my mind is really killing me. I resist the idea of writing it down, I don't like the idea of writing my thoughts in public where there's too much of distraction. And I'm a easily distracted person. Once distracted, I could loss my mood, and temporarily loss my motivation. Hahaha. I sound like some sort of writer or journalist who just got knock at their doors during their busiest time of the century.

Anyway, I'm getting sick of childish person. Undeniable that there's a child within each person that occasionally will be revealed when it's relevant or when nature's strikes. But it gets irritating when the supposedly innocent act got out of hand. And earn a new image of immature and naive instead of the 'child within' in which is acceptable if not misused. I'm not saying that I'm a very mature person but I know when it's essential to behave myself and when to get a little immature and have fun. But as it's usually is, I tend to drop to the lowest level of all at home. Because no matter how hard I try, I'm still the youngest 'endangered protected species' which is forever the baby. It's not like I'm not taken seriously, but it's just hard to bite back and turn old and mature all of a sudden. In other words, my mature side is more visible to outsiders.

Another weakness of most homo sapiens is that we're always too blinded by the weaknesses and past of people and most of the time couldn't see the change or the good sight of them until it's too late. Could it be the nature of each person self defense in which their afraid they'll lose.? Or simply because they're too narrow minded to believe it even if everything is shove under their very nose.? This is when nature calls. It's pretty sickening when you're trying so hard but they won't accept it just because you had a past. In other words, you were wrong before. Or simply because you don't use to behave like that and the sudden change is unacceptable to most people for they find it threatening of their usual self compared to others drastic improvements or simply they're too thick to believe something called 'change over a new leaf'. And this is only when the sudden change is something good. If it's something bad, It'll just swarm right into their brain cells at the very first moment without any negligence and remain there for the rest of their lives. This annoying perspective is the nature for most people. For well, humans are the usual selfish person who isn't so generous to turn a blind eye for other people's weak spot.


Thursday, April 14, 2005

Attitude evaluation

I guess we're used to the "don't hope too much or you'll get even more disappointed" thingy. As for me, this message always manage to pop out in my mind, but it never actually really got it's residence in my stubborn brain cells.

I find myself a little over confident most of the time. In the sense of expectations, I could be very stubborn in changing my mind. But I'm always open for opinions. I accept other people's ideas but it doesn't mean I'll used them. Accepting and using is totally two different issues.

The same goes for certain life's theories. I accept most of them, but I can't accept or wouldn't let it happen to me. Why?

The egoism in my head is yelling for me. Sometimes, I dare not expect too much. But the urge of tasting some great expectations. The satisfaction of it. Even though it's all invisible and hardly exist. Do we call all of these 'day dreams' our goals.? Dreams.? Or simply just fantasies.? Well for sure, think and used correctly, it's still harmless. And it's actually a form of support to boost your self esteem and confidence. And this is what we call self integrity, which for me......(forget it)

The fact that being confident of yourself is good, I usually make myself clear if I'm not confident of doing something, that's when something is expected from me. But when the situation forces you to do it, and even though you can't guarantee success, you still have to do it. Though there is something call "No one can force you to do something you don't want to do".

It is right. But, sometimes humans are just too hypocrite. Or perhaps only me. But I don't think so. I could be selfish, in fact, I am selfish. But they are just certain things that you can't afford to be selfish. And sometimes, I could be a little over powering. As in, I like to be in-charged of things I think I'm capable of, in which mind you, is not everything. But the "I think" isn't reassuring. This is when the results speaks for itself. And when it does, thou shall keep quiet. And this, is another extra dose of selfishness that runs in my veins.

Sometimes, I could be too rational that its even sickening for myself. I can always evaluate myself, but I hardly take any actions to correct myself. Why? I happen to be an ego person. I see things, I accept them, but I don't usually use them. So what's the point of accepting them.? I'm not narrow minded, I can stand in other people's shoes. I can change my attitude to certain things when it gets into me, but my brain cells are very stubborn creatures.

Does this gives me the authority to be selfish and stubborn.? Yes. No.

I'm just born like that.

Sunday, February 27, 2005

Fairy tale

I wonder how long,
Since I've heard,
Your favourite story.

I've been thinking,
I started to panic,
Have I done something wrong again.?

Tears falling down,
You said to me,
"Fairy tales are all lies",
"It's impossible you're my prince."

You would never understand,
From the very moment,
You told me you love me,
My whole wide world,
Are brightened with sparkling stars.

I'll be your beloved angel,
From the fairy tale,
I'll spread my arms,
And protect you,
With my new born wings.

You shall believe,
Just like the fairy tale,
Together we'll create,
A happy and wonderful ending.

Adapted from Michael Wong's "Fairy Tale"

Tuesday, February 15, 2005

Happy Valentine's Day

I honestly thinks that Valentine's Day is way too commercialize to be true and it's no longer a two person issue but almost the whole world. But oddly, most people knew about it and all they did is complained about it or at the most, pretend this so called "DAY" is rubbish. But never actually resist to not celebrate it. Talking about the odds.

Plus, valentine's doesn't have to only be highlighted to lovers only. After all love is very very wide. Since there's so many kinds of love, families, relatives, friends or even pets.

And if one really has the heart to expressed to their loved ones, be it boyfriend, girlfriend, or parents, why does it need a specific day.? Is it simply because it's acknowledged and celebrated by the whole world.? If you really have the heart, everyday, every second, every moment can be special or your valentine's day and why would you want everyone to share the same "special day".? Wouldn't it be even better if you have your own "Valentine's Day".? Rather than one that is so common. Put it the other way, if you have the right person, like the famous saying, "Everyday is a valentine" The same goes for father's day, mother's day and friendship day.

Happy Valentine's Day Everyone.....

Friday, January 21, 2005

Chinese New Year....

Somehow I really couldn't understand what is so big deal about Chinese new year. Being a Chinese myself, I just know that its the event of the year. For all Chinese, its the time when everyone from the family gather together. A reunion where everyone would be celebrating it New clothes, house cleaning, pomelo leaf for shower, the big reunion feast, red packets, gambling, no sweeping, visiting relatives, lion dance, fire crackers, bang bang boom!!

I mean, its a festival thingy. But, what so big deal about it anyway.? It comes and goes every year. Is it because its simply a time for reunion.? Because most families are only reunited during this time of the year.? But honestly, why do you need such events or festival to gather everyone.? I mean, if u really have the heart for it, you wouldn't need a reason to gather isn't it.?

Okay. So it could mean its a new beginning for everyone, like change over a new leaf or anything and wiped off all the bad things last year and live a better year. But well, the coming year or the so called better year rarely happens doesn't it.? Even if it did, people hardly recognize it. 99 percent of people actually complained about what a bad year they had even though its better than the previous year. They're blinded by the "bad things" that happen that year and naturally the " good things" that happen that year too became invisible. Not to mention., why does people need a date or a festival to mark a new beginning.? You can just do it any minute isn't it.? (that's providing you have the heart and really determine to do it) Talking about new year resolution.

Even though I don't understand bout the real meaning of Chinese New Year. I still enjoy it. Its a time for holiday. To have fun. To see everyone and fool around. To get red packets and gamble.

Well at least its a happy event. A happy time to be together with the family. Because well, there's another Chinese custom in which where usually 100 percent of the entire family turn up for it because normally there are still some people who couldn't make it to celebrate CNY with their family back in their hometown. After all, it still comes every year isn't it. And what event is this.?


I know it sucks and its not good to say about it. But its just too bloody true to ignore it. In a funeral, its where everybody comes out. I mean EVERYBODY. Most families need such an occasion to get everyone out there at the same time. Its a very embarrassing matter. Why does it need such a sad and somber event to gather everyone. Note, its gather, not unite. Its pretty sickening. Whether everyone turn up to pay their last respect, to bid goodbye or simply to see the deceased for one last time or just because its their responsibility for they're part of the family. Physically only, not in the heart. For they could always gather together. Have regular reunions. If they're a real family with a family spirit and heart. Not to mention those who didn't even attend the funeral. Or "appear" during Chinese new year.

The first time I saw all of my dad's siblings together at the same time is during my grandfather's funeral. I mean, I saw all of them before but separately. Not all at once. And I guess its a once in a lifetime thingy. And this happen almost 3 years ago. Before that, we still celebrate Chinese new year together. But my dad's brothers rarely turned up, everytime its only my dad. And his sisters. Well my dad has a whole bunch of siblings.

This year, I'm going back to Sandakan to celebrate Chinese new year. After my paternal grandfather went away, we didn't went back for Chinese new year.. After all its kinda pointless since grandfather is not there anymore. Well grandfather DOESN'T travel and I can always see my maternal grandpa and granny since their regular guests in my home here. Yupp Sandakan is my hometown. And we thought it would be nice to go back this year, to my grandpa and granny's place. After all, we're still a nice big family. And its our hometown....=)


Sunday, January 16, 2005

Beyond Expectations

The world is always full of wonders, disbelief, miracles, surprises and unexpected happenings. These are so common that we're so used to it. Not forgetting, the usual human self defense in believing things that we didn't expect. For all these things always has a hard way to get acknowledged, believed or simply being accepted as a fact.

When things go way out of control or when unexpected things happen, the invisible wall of human defense starts to create reasons. Or find someone to blame in order to convince ourselves that everything is alright. In other words, to cover it. After a series of all these "self convince", no matter what, we still have to accept everything. Those unexpected occurrence that happens in our everyday life. So often that you wouldn't even realize that it actually happened.

The most popular reason is, NOTHING IS PERFECT, NO ONE IS PERFECT, which comes along with TIME WILL HEAL or SOONER OR LATER EVERYTHING WILL BE ALRIGHT. And how are we humans dealing with it.? Still the same old series of self-convincing, self reassuring and finally self evaluation.

What we always expect, never seems to happens isn't it.? While what we didn't expect, always managed to create a little surprise. What it seems to be, isn't always what it is. What it doesn't seems to be isn't always right too. Everything are always either underestimated or simply above the line. Whether its invisible to the naked eye or simply the naked eye sees to much.

Well ,its still the same today even with changes filling here and there. The difference is only the ways of people accepting the fact. After all, nothing is perfect.


Saturday, January 08, 2005


Real beauty lies not in physical appearance, but in the heart.
Real treasures lies not in what that can be seen, but what that cannot be seen.
Real love lies not in what is done and known, but in what is done but not known.

True love doesnt consists of holding hands, it consists of holding hearts.
True love does not come by finding the perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly.