Thursday, April 14, 2005

Attitude evaluation

I guess we're used to the "don't hope too much or you'll get even more disappointed" thingy. As for me, this message always manage to pop out in my mind, but it never actually really got it's residence in my stubborn brain cells.

I find myself a little over confident most of the time. In the sense of expectations, I could be very stubborn in changing my mind. But I'm always open for opinions. I accept other people's ideas but it doesn't mean I'll used them. Accepting and using is totally two different issues.

The same goes for certain life's theories. I accept most of them, but I can't accept or wouldn't let it happen to me. Why?

The egoism in my head is yelling for me. Sometimes, I dare not expect too much. But the urge of tasting some great expectations. The satisfaction of it. Even though it's all invisible and hardly exist. Do we call all of these 'day dreams' our goals.? Dreams.? Or simply just fantasies.? Well for sure, think and used correctly, it's still harmless. And it's actually a form of support to boost your self esteem and confidence. And this is what we call self integrity, which for me......(forget it)

The fact that being confident of yourself is good, I usually make myself clear if I'm not confident of doing something, that's when something is expected from me. But when the situation forces you to do it, and even though you can't guarantee success, you still have to do it. Though there is something call "No one can force you to do something you don't want to do".

It is right. But, sometimes humans are just too hypocrite. Or perhaps only me. But I don't think so. I could be selfish, in fact, I am selfish. But they are just certain things that you can't afford to be selfish. And sometimes, I could be a little over powering. As in, I like to be in-charged of things I think I'm capable of, in which mind you, is not everything. But the "I think" isn't reassuring. This is when the results speaks for itself. And when it does, thou shall keep quiet. And this, is another extra dose of selfishness that runs in my veins.

Sometimes, I could be too rational that its even sickening for myself. I can always evaluate myself, but I hardly take any actions to correct myself. Why? I happen to be an ego person. I see things, I accept them, but I don't usually use them. So what's the point of accepting them.? I'm not narrow minded, I can stand in other people's shoes. I can change my attitude to certain things when it gets into me, but my brain cells are very stubborn creatures.

Does this gives me the authority to be selfish and stubborn.? Yes. No.

I'm just born like that.

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