Monday, May 09, 2005


06 May 2005...2015

Sometimes, life is so unpredictable or funny that its a wonder how sudden certain perspective in life could be introduced to you in a split second. Put it the other way, its not introduced, its just something that's been buried in you for a long time, and they're brought up to the surface because, finally they're being recognized. This happens a lot to me. Because well, I'm very obstinate.

I was washing the dishes about 30 minutes ago, when suddenly the thought of my childhood friends venture into my brain cells. Call me insane or what, but most of my ideas or thoughts came to me whenever I'm doing something on my own, be it washing the dishes, massaging my dad, jogging, swimming or just even laying down. Anyway, I realize that my childhood friends are mostly English literate, as in, our primary language in school is English. We do speak Chinese but not much. For your information, I'm not Chinese literate. I speak Hakka and Cantonese due to my parents origin, but I learn mandarin from school or friends. I can't read Chinese but I've improved after a year or two of kindergarten Chinese tuition when I was still in primary school. And my level of Chinese words now is just enough to understand forward emails, song lyrics and SMS. And that's why most of my childhood primary school friends are also Chinese blind. Chinese blind, but not Chinese mute or Chinese deaf. We understand Chinese well enough, we just don't know the words. But then, it's still a little embarrassing. We might be not if we're living 10 or 20 years back, for everyone is so proud to be English literate. But then for today, it is. There was once I was totally embarrassed when a Malay guy ask me about the headlines of a Chinese newspaper and he was shocked when I said I couldn't read Chinese. And he made no effort to hide his surprise. I mean afterall, why should he.? He didn't tease me or what, but he started to keep wondering what those words mean with other Malay girls. Then, I went over to have a look at the newspaper, and thank god, I happen to just know those few words. Back to my friends, did I mention, I was enrolled in a Malay primary school.? Why Malay, not English.? Well, non-Chinese primary school are actually more Malay than English, though most people would say it's English. You can say it now, but back to my time in primary school, it was really Malay school.

Then, things change when we get into secondary school, naturally we spoke more Chinese. But then, it changed even more for me. I transferred to KK when I was in form 2 and got into All Saints and mind you, I got into one of the bottom class. Why.? Contributions of an old man who is about to retired in a week who just shoooooo me into any class which has available seats. Anyway, it was the kind of experience I'll never forget. And that must be the laziest year of my whole education life. Why.? At first I do mind about the status of being in one of the bottom classes, but it didn't bother me long. It was fun. The people was fun. They weren't that selfish. They won't be guarding you all day long just in case you could scored better in your mathematics paper. And that's also when I speak Chinese most of the time. Did my English suffer.? Well, I was never top English student or whatever, I just sank to the average level. After form 2, I switch to Lok Yuk, where once again I'm back to usual class standard. It was obvious who are the Chinese gang and who are the English gang. Everyone was friendly and knowing someone in advanced, she brought me to the Chinese gang. Well bout those gangs, all of us speak Chinese, but the English gang are just the upper English level compared to Chinese gang, who is average. As for me, I just got close to one of the girl from the Chinese gang. I mean really close until today. And I guess I was the only one from the 'Chinese gang' that has a better relationship with the English gang. Somehow, this sort of changes reflected my language literacy. I spoke English a lot as well, but only to certain people. But when it comes to close one, Chinese is always the top priority. Except my dad who loves to lectures me in English.

And now that I'm in tertiary education level, (mind you, Form 6 might be in secondary school but it's definitely tertiary level) I speak even more English. But I still speak Chinese with my own close friends. But English still lingers with my conversation. I've actually got commented that my Chinese sounds weird. Weird it has some sort of accent or slang which obviously shows that I'm not Chinese literate. I speak fast whether in English or Chinese, but I can never scold in Chinese. I'll get stucked. I can't remember those words. Or simply I don't know what word to use. And with the ego in me, I don't like to lose. Perfectionist.?Maybe a little. I just well, shoots in English with some speed that most of them kept quiet not because they're afraid of me. But because they could hardly catch a word I said. Hahaha. Very funny. I can even shoot in Chinese, but only simple ones. Heheheh...

06 May 2005..2045