Saturday, September 17, 2005

Stop self condemning...

When I started to blog, it was just because I was bored. Spending lots of time in front of the computer all the time. And it's obvious from my early entries, it seems like I'm only complaining how bored my life is, how COMMON is my daily life. When something come up, you'll go like WOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW. And then start complaining why does this sort of unfortunate things happen to me.? And start blaming everyone.?

I realize I like to condemn myself. Not blame myself but I always feel rather guilty to certain things. But humans like to blame someone else when something happen or just simply grab anything that can be blame. But why hah.? Though, I don't blame people on unfortunate happenings. I don't see the point of doing so, I find it rather useless. I mean, what's the point.? It's not gonna bring you anywhere by blaming someone. Well perhaps you'll buy yourself a certain period of relief where you'll feel better because you make yourself believe (lying to yourself) that you're not responsible for what happen. You just happen to BE THERE. Typical, but hoh, I like to blame myself. Why hah.? But then, what's the use of condemning myself.? Hmmmmmmm. Even though I'm not the kind of person that blames God when something bad happen, I don't. Because I don't trust God would want something bad happen to me or to anyone. You're a human which is capable of making your own choice of which path to choose and with each choice, you have to face and accept the consequences that follows. No matter its good or bad, you picked it yourself. Okay, consider that when something bad comes along, something unexpected, would you start blaming God why he put you in such a miserable unbearable state.? Well, He didn't ask you to choose it snd none of us wished for it to happen. It just did. Accident.? Or God is testing you.? I would say whatever path you chose, you can't expect it to be 100% perfect can't you.? Not to curse yourself that something less fortunate would happen but at least be a little psychologically prepared for unforeseen circumstances. Well, its not as easy as its said, it takes time. After all, you chose it yourself. God wouldn't forbid you which path not to choose, but he will guide you through it. If it wasn't for that, you wouldn't have realize God was there all this while, would you.? Who knows, He has better plans for you.? I mean, no one knows what gonna happen next right.? Yeah, that's true but its usually used for self reassuring. Self comforting.

Guess this fact is just the same with the famous "you won't realize what's good or appreciate what you had all the time unless its no longer yours or when something happen and you need it badly but guess what, its no longer there waiting for you to realize or authorize its presence. I mean, why bother.? It was here all the time but guess it's just invisible to your naked eyes. How sad, yet, you deserved it.

When people seek advice, the way they called it, they're more like seeking for a sympathetic ear or some comforting words. Which, I could never offer. Its not that I'm cold blooded or whatever, though I am a little bit. But, well I'm a realist. I won't sweet talk or says comforting stuff to make you feel better by upgrading you and downgrading others. Its like, its just not me. I'll just shoot and attack them back. But weirdly hoh, they say its harsh, but it works. Hahahaha

I queued for one and half hour today just to buy a few buns. Pretty stupid huh.? Guess that's the magic of curiosity. Or the foolishness of curiosity. Hehehe.

I have to stop condemning myself....


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