Monday, October 31, 2005

Last Day....

I woke up this morning realizing today was the last day of school. Marks a big date doesn't it.? Excluding the exam days. Hmmmmmm. By the way, do not be freak out with the following "Dialogue" It's something I find nice relating to life issues and please do not despised it just because the conversation is between you and God and find it far fetched. There's nothing Christian in it if you ain't Christian. And its the messages that matters. Not the reality of such conversation...

God: Hello! Did you call me?
Me: Called you? No.. Who is this?

God: This is GOD. I heard your prayers. So I thought I will chat with you.
Me: I do pray. Just makes me feel good. I am actually busy now. I am in the midst of something........

God: What are you busy at? Ants are busy too.
Me: Don't know. But I can't find free time. Life has become hectic. It's rush hour all the time.

God: Sure. Activity gets you busy. But productivity gets you results. Activity consumes time. Productivity frees it.
Me: I understand. But I still can't figure it out. By the way, I was not expecting YOU to buzz me on instant messaging chat.

God: Well I wanted to resolve your fight for time, by giving you some clarity. In this net era, I wanted to reach you through the medium you are comfortable with.
Me: Tell me, why has life become complicated now?

God: Stop analyzing life. Just live it. Analysis is what makes it complicated.
Me: why are we then constantly unhappy?

God: Your today is the tomorrow that you worried about yesterday. You are worrying because you are analyzing. Worrying has become your habit. That's why you are not happy.
Me: But how can we not worry when there is so much uncertainty?

God: Uncertainty is inevitable, but worrying is optional.
Me: But then, there is so much pain due to uncertainty..

God: Pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional.
Me: If suffering is optional, why do good people always suffer?

God: Diamond cannot be polished without friction. Gold cannot be purified without fire. Good people go through trials, but don't suffer. With that experience their life becomes better not bitter.
Me: You mean to say such experience is useful?

God: Yes. In every term, Experience is a hard teacher. She gives the test first and the lessons afterwards.
Me: But still, why should we go through such tests? Why can't we be free from problems?

God : Problems are Purposeful Roadblocks Offering Beneficial Lessons (to) Enhance Mental Strength. Inner strength comes from struggle and endurance, not when you are free from problems.
Me: Frankly in the midst of so many problems, we don't know where we are heading..

God: If you look outside you will not know where you are heading. Look inside. Looking outside, you dream. Looking inside, you awaken. Eyes provide sight. Heart provides insight.
Me: Sometimes not succeeding fast seems to hurt more than moving in the right direction. What should I do?

God: Success is a measure as decided by others.. Satisfaction is a measure as decided by you. Knowing the road ahead is more satisfying than knowing you rode ahead. You work with the compass. Let others work with the clock.
Me: In tough times, how do you stay motivated?

God: Always look at how far you have come rather than how far you have to go. Always count your blessing, not what you are missing.
Me: What surprises you about people?

God: when they suffer they ask, "why me?" When they prosper, they never ask "Why me" Everyone wishes to have truth on their side, but few want to be on the side of the truth.
Me: Sometimes I ask, who am I, why am I here. I cant get the answer.

God: Seek not to find who you are, but to determine who you want to be. Stop looking for a purpose as to why you are here. Create it. Life is not a process of discovery but a process of creation.
Me: How can I get the best out of life?

God: Face your past without regret. Handle your present with confidence. Prepare for the future without fear.
Me: One last question. Sometimes I feel my prayers are not answered.

God: There are no unanswered prayers.. At times the answer is NO.
Me: Thank you for this wonderful chat. I am so happy to start this day with a new sense of inspiration.

God: Well. Keep the faith and confidence and drop the fear. Don't believe your doubts and doubt your beliefs. Life is a mystery to solve, not a problem to resolve. Trust me. Life is wonderful if you know how to live.

"Life is what we make it, always has been, always will be."

Saturday, October 29, 2005


Assuming that as the day grew closer, one should be more pressured.? Scared.? Nervous.? And more motivated to do better.? That's just the opposite. Smack my head real hard. But day by day I'm getting extra lazier and extra moody. Moody, unpredictable emotion or temper.

Is this bad or good.? I didn't lose my temper. Keeping it.? Sometimes. Does really keeping your temper all the time is good.? Just swallow everything or ignore everyone and everything will be alright.? Are you really that naive to believe that it would be okay later.? And shut yourself to the other side of the moon.? Do you realize it's dark there.? And that side never faces the earth.? No matter how much great things you did, so what.? Who cares.? That's because there's no light or EARTH and MOON rotation for you to be seen there. You don't want to be on the same side of the moon.

I was playing with the astro remote control again and switching channels non stop just for something enjoyable to watch and saw this scene in Anger Management.

Shrink : There's two type of angry people. The explosive and implosive.
Patient : ?????? ( I forgot what he said)
Shrink : A women screams at the cashier for give her the wrong change. Now are you the cashier or the women.?
Patient : Neither.?
Shrink : You're the cashier...

It's not exactly the same phrase. Something like that. Couldn't remember well. In my earlier post, Hot tempered or Hypocrite, I think reign226 did mention something similar right.? Apparently the cashier is the deadly one, rather than the obnoxious snobby women.? Yea, that's why they always end up with the same side of the moon.

The battle begins officially at the 9th November 2005 starting with Biology war....

Monday, October 24, 2005


Two nights ago, it occurred to me that I'll be graduating in exactly one month time. (before I step into a NO UNIFORM education life, UNIVERSITY) Even though I'm hoping for Stpm to finish as soon as possible, but still you can't help it but miss high school life.

I still can recall when I just started form 6, I realize how much I missed my old school. And most of all, the upper form life back then. And now, it seems like I've just entered form 6 yesterday. Time passed, did I realize it.? How can I say no, I just didn't bother it passing.

Do you remember how it feels back then, about seven years ago when you just finished primary school and entering secondary school. Being the eldest back then, when you were the ABANG and KAKAK where every kid look up to you. And suddenly, you're the kid in the new environment.? Not only you're the kid, more like the baby. Hehehe. And when you finished form 5, you enter form 6. You're not exactly the baby or kid again but still you're still stuck in a new place. (that's if your previous school provides no form 6). And in less than half year in lower 6, again your the eldest in your school. Pretty fast concerning the primary and secondary school final year gap heh.? But then, what to do. You're already at the end of your teenage years. Sob Sob. Hehehehehe

So, graduating soon. Entering freshman year, anxious.? No. I just want my Stpm to be over soon. But I don't want to grow up. Sadly, I can't. Hahahaa. Anyway, just realize when I started to blog, I haven't even enter form 6. And now, I'm reaching the end. Will I miss form 6.? Will I miss La Salle.? I don't know. Maybe yes, a little. Maybe not much. Who knows.? I'll know in a month time. Tell you then.


Wednesday, October 19, 2005

I'm blank

The day it's drawing nearer. Am I dreading it.? Actually, no. Afraid, nervous but not dreading it at all. Wishing it to be over as soon as possible.

I went blank today, the feeling was bad. It sucks. It was in the middle of our informal second trial Chemistry Paper 2 section B. I didn't pass up the paper, enough said. It was informal after all but I wasted another chance of good revision. Second time of the week. This is bad. Am I stressed or simply just not prepared.?

It pains to think back and compare the SPM years. Where clearly the effort wasn't as much as now but the results is opposite. Is STPM really that hard or I just grew stupid due to "indescribable" STPM.? Well, I've known this even before stepping in Form 6.

Worrying sucks but one just couldn't stop it like the STOP button in your CD player. I can worry continuously. As usual, worrying brings you no where but human just love to worry so much no matter how rational or how clearly they know that worry doesn't help. In fact it worsen the condition. But, we're humans after all. We are emotional creature with feelings and is that suppose to be good or bad.? Too bad for me, worries couldn't motivate me that much. But I still have to go forward and leave them behind. What to do, I'm not the only human on earth who knows to worry. Everyone worries, just that the impact or effect of worries varies for every different person and how you choose to deal with it. Do you let your worries manipulate your mind and monopolize your brain cells.? Or your brain cells controls your worries.? Somehow, there are moments in life that your brain contains nothing but WORRY. Which of course is only temporary. The period of it's residency.? Again, it depends on how well you organize yourself or simply how you think. And the shorter it is, the better it is. For if it remain too long, it could be fatal. And no, suicide doesn't count as the short cut of settling your worries. Haven't you heard.? The short cut is always the bad cut.

This is just the same with emotion and feelings. Its commonly said, do not let your feelings and emotions control your mind. Your mind controls your feelings and emotion. My oh my. But human no matter who and how great or perfect he/she is, they still run into these moments where they'll get a little blank or lose a little control of their brains. Why.? That's because you're still a human being no matter what. So chill. It's okay (but don't overflow o you'll puke.)

" Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? " Mathews 6:27

" Therefore, do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of it's own. " Mathews 6:34

Tuesday, October 11, 2005

Changes....Influenced or new discoveries..??

Sometimes its amazing how you see people change. Physical changes.? From ugly duckling to the beautiful graceful swan.? No, physical changes can occur between a split second. The inner change of your heart or personality or character or attitude that takes not only more than one second. In fact, its a timeless piece where time is taken into action. (It's not something you can take a stop watch and timed it. No way.)

Whether from BAD to GOOD, from NO to YES, from THIS to THAT, It's a wonder. Sometimes, it's almost a miracle. Would you seize yourself to believe it.? Sometimes, you have no choice but just do. You don't want to be left out do you.?

Anyway, are these changes the results of influence or the discoveries of the person themselves.? Whether certain environment changes that influence a particular person to change or else wouldn't survive. Or perhaps, influenced by the recent IN stuff or recent peer friends.? Changes.? Or new adaptations.? Well, guess they are the ups and downs. The Chinese saying of 要学坏只需要三天,变好要三年。Its not the exact phrase, but it's something like that. But for me, its more like : It takes 3 second to be a NOBODY and 3 years to be a SOMEBODY. (actually reality proves its much more than 3 years, I'm just trying to match up with the Chinese phrase. Hehehe.) I'm not saying SOMEBODY is someone that's recognized by the whole world by stripping your clothes off on international TV or won the grand prize of a 30 minutes game show...

What about, new discoveries a person make that had such a massive effect to your soul that you changed.? Again, for better or worse.? Who knows, being a nobody sometimes is really sad. A loser.? Failures that accumulate until it overflowed.? An finally your alimentary system could no longer sustain and you start to vomit.? Meaning, you're finally awake.? (What bout those people who are never full and would never puke.? Are they stuck there forever.? ) Smack yourself hard in the face. The so called positive thought you should have is "Without these failures or NOBODY session, do you think you will ever realize or stand up from your state.?" I know it stinks and must be the ancient phrase people use to buck someone up. But then,

If you're never a NOBODY.......
How could you be a SOMEBODY....
No one is born a SOMEBODY......
Everyone is born a BABY........