Wednesday, May 24, 2006

I'm deep.?

I remember back in secondary school, I usually chose to write narrative pieces like stories than factual essays during exams. I always take myself as someone who's hard to write with a serious tone with loads of sophisticated and emphatic vocabulary. I prefer simple descriptive stories, especially those that can touch your heart with a blend of word or two. But I usually get disappointed whenever I get my paper back. Most of the time, I'm a little over confident and assumed I did not bad but it always return with no special remarks and what I thought was good enough, actually wasn't. Was it my usual egoism telling me inside that I deserve a better mark or what went wrong with my essay.? Being a realist, I can always predict my own results. Knowing deep down how did I performed. The song sings a different tune when it comes to English essays, I never got what I thought I would most of the time. I thought I wrote a nice piece of heart warming story with nice narrations and descriptive genre, but it always come back with the same range of marks.

We usually swap and read each other's writings. I was always the one asking to read a friend's one and in return, they would read yours back. It just fascinates me so much, what did they write that gets higher marks than I did. I was indeed envious of their work, but I was hungrier for techniques to write a better piece than worrying that others are doing much better than I was. I do get jealous, but I was too busy pissing myself off and self-criticizing my silly writings than drooling over their works. Was I being a perfectionist.? I wasn't afraid of losing, but I was afraid of being not good enough for myself. There are time when simple English and vocabulary can spin out a nice interesting piece of original story that simply capture the heart of the reader and in this case, the teacher. But then, the only one I wanted to impress out of my writings was me myself, not the teacher. You don't have to impress her, nor others. Back then, you wrote because it was your homework, not because you want to, but you have to. (considering the fact that you are gonna hand it up and trust me with an English teacher like her, you better do.) And I chose to write it in a way that I like. Someone once told me to enjoy writing fictions as much as you can, for once you step foot into tertiary education, you'll be so sick of writing factual and current issues. And that person was damn right, I honestly can't remember when was the last time I sat down and really wrote a story. (Especially when you're stuck in form 6, current issues essays never ends.)

I'm not much of a story teller, I couldn't write a heart pumping high adrenaline piece with an orgasmic plot to keep you reading non stop. I can only write slow narratives type with a dialogue or two. Mostly about simple relationships or incidents that happens around us everyday that we usually missed out most of the time. Both of my classmates that sat next to me back then was always my victims. I shove them our homework every time to read and probe them for comments. One always said that if I wrote something similar or even better, I would melt the SPM examiner's heart especially if she's a lady. Deep down, I was thinking is that enough to blind the examiner of my hand writing that resembles a 9 year old and my inescapable grammar mistakes.? While the other one is always so noble with her comments, saying its nice but always with the same thing, simple story. Can't blame her can I.? She writes what you call simple tiny bits and pieces all joint up together forming a rather creative and interesting puzzle.

Thinking back, it occurs to me what I write is more towards thinking thingy. Not story type though written as a story. The thing about story telling is that you write to tell a story. If you write something you thought was beautiful but your readers hardly approves it, where does the problem lies actually.? Readers, do they want a direct story that they don't have to think much but just read boldly, or people who don't only reads, but analyze and really give a thought of what you wrote.? I wouldn't consider what I used to wrote as deep, but a dear friend said from the way I blog makes me sound like someone who's above 25 years old and pretty deep that I'm like an aging person.!

Should I be afraid of getting old.? Why should I.? I'm not alone. After all, who doesn't.?

2 comments:

Ianfluenza said...

Many asked me when I first began writing, "Do you write for your readers, or purely for yourself?"

Do what you do best, and invest your efforts in making it outstanding perhaps? Why of course there will be benefits if you also explore different grounds at the same time to gain a wider perspective and tapping into more inspirational material for your writings.

Here's something I always do: relate to an incident that strikes you hard with inspiration, and set the plot in an interesting background, which can be totally different and irrelevant. Still you should be able to come up with an interesting story...

PS: I detest writing about facts too.

Plunny said...

Join the club..=)

I really have stopped writing stories already. Perhaps I should start writing since I'm so free nowadays. By the way, I like your vampire story. =D