Thursday, June 01, 2006

I can't think of a title.

It's commonly said that getting busy and work the hell out of you will make you forget what you're constantly worrying or thinking of. The usual example being that taking work to numb your feelings when you're missing someone badly or trying to shut something off your mind completely but clearly isn't working.

But then, the way I see it, not only it doesn't works, it makes thing worst. Call it avoiding or lying to yourself as you like, occupying yourself with heavy work load doesn't make you forget someone or wipe the problem away. Of course it does, but only temporary and that's during the time you're working your ass off. And when you're done, the feeling returns, making their red carpet entrance that you dread everytime but you know it won't go away. You've expected it from the beginning, hoping that the next time it returns, the feeling would have faded, or at least you would feel a little better, that you don't have to go through another series of miserable emotions but everytime, the same cycle goes on and on. And guess what.? You still feel the same.

It pains so much when all you want was to get rid of something, but it just won't. There's just too many issues that lingers around so long that nothing would make it go away. You're not alone here tackling with unbearable moments or unhappy memories that you wish it would disappear simply at the click of your fingers or a wave of a magic wand. But sadly, we're not living in a fairy land and magic wand simply does not exist. And here, the difference is how every different individual handle it.

Some decide to just let it be, paralyze it. Ignorance is bliss. But how true is this phrase.? Of course, as far as you allowed it to be. The time will come when the cycle completes a full circle. And there it goes again, your turn has arrived and here comes the familiar uninvited moment. You're so used to it and you've already know how it feels. But you just leave it and made no move nor attempt to get rid of it completely. You thought you've remained stationary, but then you didn't realize the problem is deteriorating at an unbelievably rate that's also bringing you down. You're just too damned to feel it.

There are also some who are courageous enough to finally take over the problem and ruled it out once and for all. Too bad, this happens to be the road that's the minority choice for it bear too much pain and risk even though it promises potential amazing outcome. Why.? Are people too afraid to undergo pain and disappointment then.? That the fear itself is totally blocking your sight that you're incapable of making decisions that you might regret.? Or perhaps, you're chickening out.? Not brave enough to go through such expectations that you dare not even think about.? Not even once.?

And hence chose to put it aside? And let it rot.?

Is ignorance really a bliss.? Something that you dread to happen sometimes isn't as bad as you think it would be. And bitter past aren't suppose to be a burden that you silently wished you don't have to face when the unfaithful day comes and someone brings it up. It's not to remind you the ugly scene of what you've done wrong or what that's happened. They're there to educate and guide you not to repeat the same mistakes again. So that you don't have to bear those painful consequences all over again. After all, it's from mistakes we learn. Failure is a harsh teacher, but it's also the best one.

Simply reminds me the oil stain you got on your brand new lucky shirt that just landed you the job of your dreams but the big yellowish spot just wouldn't go off no matter how many times you try to wash it away. It was meant to stay whether you want or like it or not. And its up to you how to hide the stain. Do you cover it up with a nice brooch the next time you wear it, or add another piece to your "wear once only" list, or dye your shirt a new colour, or just ignore the stain and continue using it.? After all, it's still your lucky shirt.

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