Monday, August 21, 2006

I'm melancholic again.

There was a sudden unexpected feeling of tears trying to accumulate in my puffy eye cloaks. It was sad. Yet, I wonder what's the actual reason of such sudden triggered moment. It reminds me of so many things that cannot be explain. Something that cannot be described nor represented by the usage of words only. Not even pictures. It's something that can only be felt. Just like those little words that Mandy Moore whispered.

It's like the wind, you can't see it, but you can feel it.

Sometimes, I underestimated my own feelings, my own deep actual feeling that's actually hiding behind my annoying rational mind. I'm not an optimistic person. I'm quite a pessimist, but I call it realistic. For I put into account all the odds. Whether its bright or dark. I'm not superstitious, nor bother anything that's suppose to be on top of the taboo list. I don't give a damn. I just don't trust those mumba wamba stuffs.

Or perhaps, I have yet to meet some yet.?

I thought I could pass by it, but it didn't. I did felt it. The feeling came rushing in like the sudden nerve being triggered sending impulse all over me. Least expected but yes, it came. The missing feeling. It feels good to miss or being missed. But sometimes, its disturbing. The anticipating longing feeling that never seems to comes to an end. It's so long winding and not necessarily promising but yet, it has to go on. It's like, all you can afford to do now is just that. Nothing else. And that's also not because it's a necessity, but because it's best like that. For without the anticipation, the significance will no longer be there. It feels rather empty, rather out of your reach. But that's all you can do. Life is just like that.

Is human always such a pig.? Turning against their backs once they're granted with what they always wanted.? The greed and anticipation is feed, then its no longer valuable. Perhaps only after a while, after you're done enjoying it and started to get sick of it. The backward cycle begins again. You just can't wait to get rid of it and to you, its time to move on to the next one.

Yes, we shall never live in the past and its always the future we're heading to. But then, once you look at the today you, full with complaints, and to think back the then happy smiling you, would you laugh at your own silly simple satisfaction back at the old days, or rather miss the less complex and happier you.?

Do you understand what I wrote.? Tell me if you do, for I don't. I'm lost. AGAIN.

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