Monday, October 30, 2006

At last.

11 freaking days the pathetic server refused me the access to beta blogger and finally today, it works.!!

This few days was spend mostly rotting in room ranting of boredom instead of piling up the books and stuffing those worldly words and information into our procrastinating brain cells. Thanks to Rapid kl we still have transport to get out of campus once a while even thought you can see how empty the bus is every time it passes by.

The extremely deserted campus few days ago, from you can hardly spot a soul to the more livelier today, it sends a sense of relief to us who've been staying here throughout the whole holidays. Only a week has gone by and people are all merrily coming back, obviously exchanging details about their festive holidays with one another.

And if anyone is bold enough to ask me, I guess the answer would be how we got over those forever annoying wailing starving cats that's still capable of leaving their hellish stinky digestive creation @ poo, in the washroom when they're practically not eating at all. Not forgetting those creepy starry eyes that pierced into us trying to hypnotize us into sympathizing them and feed them which clearly would never happen. Yes, I'm cruel with cats because I sincerely from the bottom of my heart HATE them. And I'm still living with it!! Because I have to. =.=!!



I was told not to underestimate of what could happen, because what happens is always something you least expect. Sometimes I think this is only true when you're too unrealistic and living in faraway fantasy land. That's why you're always either disappointed or surprised with what happen and this would seldom happen to the rational realistic me. I'm a realist, not an idealist. And there's a huge difference in between.

The new discoveries you made even in a short time, can split you into two, or even break you into a million pieces, but there are the times when they can make you into a better solid single person. It's amazing how your little experience shapes your thoughts into something new and completely different and these changes certainly plays a big role here, or even the future.

I guess, I have to hang in there.

Thursday, October 19, 2006

Friend

Your friend came to you with a sobby face and teary eyes, telling you silently and obviously that they need help. You accept them willingly with your wide open arms, having them in your embrace. Do you attend to them as if they're the fragile new born infant, or just treat them like the adult they are.?

Friends with a broken heart, or a shattered soul that come to seek refuge in you, are you then suppose to give them comforting words or just be mute and lend them a sympathetic ear plus a supporting shoulder for them to lean on.?

Or neither, you analyze their problem, pick out what's right, what's wrong and tell them what to do and what not to.? For the sake that they would not repeat the same mistake anymore.? And at that time, a rather fugly character to play as what your friend needs now is support, not point picking.? And of course if you do it in a bad way, it gets even worse and here, let us assume your advice is really good. If it's not, well, your friend should be running. Okay, perhaps they should be helping you back then.

What happens then if they did nothing wrong.? But they were hurt terribly? Do they need someone to tell them they're right, or simply someone that would hear them proclaim they are right.?

Most of them time, when friends came to you, telling you they need help (advice) or when their heart is shattered to pieces of glasses, do they really mean what they said.? Because most of the time, you'll end up listening to their rants only. I guess its right then, when friends are in need of help for their problems, help is always translated as listener.

After all, they don't need your cheesy advice, they just want a place for them to rant, for them to release themselves a little without having someone that would shoot them back. A hurt-free-zone that guarantees comfort and security. To have someone that would tell them they were right and support them regardless of the actual situation. They do not need someone else to make them feel even worse than they are already. Especially from friends. They just wanted a friend.

This is rather odd. A friend is suppose to be someone who is truthful and honest to you. Telling you whats right and wrong even though it could be unpleasant to hear so. The truth is always what we avoid, the ugliest thing to bear.

But then, why would you need a friend who would only show you their smiley face all the time and not a word of reality.? Do you really want a so called friend who could just comfort you and make you feel like hugging them all the time but when it comes to practical and realistic stuff, all they manage to do is still the same old smile.? Are you really that shallow in selecting friends.?

I guess this is when the odds and ends meet. A friend, you have to give whats best to your friend, be it a sympathetic ear, a mother's love, a view as an outsider accompanied by the sharpness and honesty regardless it might hurt.

As bad as it may seems, being hurt for the right reason when your friend reveals the truth about you that you had refused to acknowledge yourself, is better than being hurt by others that hurt you because you were too ignorant a fool. And how could you still call this a betrayal from your friend then, after all, they had been helping you. Just that it was in a rather harsh way or else it would never sink in your stubborn cells

I guess after all, a friend needs to know when to be a bitch/bastard and when to be a fluffy cozy mute little teddy bear too. Flexibility.?

Monday, October 16, 2006

I love what I do, but I hate my job.

Warning!!
Slightly long, slightly harsh, slightly confused of what I wrote myself.


Here comes the time in life when you have to start and learn how to work with people you do not like. Make it hate. You have to face ugly people with idiotic brain or perhaps even worse, with a snob or dork engraved in their forehead and they're emitting extreme repulsing toxic. You love what you do and the working environment, but someone there is such a pain in the ass and your greatest desire is to kick him or her to Mars Pluto.

But then, you don't have to like someone in order to work with them, because you work for yourself, not them. If you're really capable, you would be able to work under whatsoever condition. Be it unpleasant, uninviting, unbearable or even completely almost unworkable state. If you still manage to work under these nearly zero intolerable situation, this is what that push you further in front . The ability to mingle and adapt in all sorts of environment from A to Z and still excel in it is what puts you on top everything. The practice of your application in mastering your intelligence and maturity with flexibility and effectiveness.

If you have an amazing IQ of 180 accompanied with great motivation and dedication to something you're genuinely interested in, providing you're fortunate enough, this could be your dream job. But if you do not or have yet to master the art of society surviving skills, it's useless, for you do not know who you might end up working with.

Once you're placed with someone you hate or dislike, you completely sink to the lowest level that's beyond your imagination. You lost your efficiency due to your inability in confronting yourself to work because someone there is a gigantic pain in the ass with a constantly polished bottom waiting to be kick 24/7 a day but you're kicked instead. How sad, yet reality screams louder in front of your confused face.

You're perhaps slightly better because you simply do not possess the techniques of protecting your precious buttock and the ultimate way of scoring a world cup standard foot action. Perhaps it's not that bad after all, you're just naive, still young and very innocent. An unpolluted snowy white piece of paper, still perfectly clean. A child.

But hey, the world does not wait for you, neither do society and time. I DON'T KNOW is not an excuse, and would never be. The roots of this most spoken three little words is crying for help, telling you its time or perhaps you're already late to search for the answer. You will not be excluded from reality just because you haven't learn to accept it. Learn, practice and master it unless you're prepared to have your ass kicked around forever.

You might call it hypocrite, self suppressing, self deceiving, self denial, lying to yourself to work with someone you hate. Or you think it's just too wrong and too fake to force yourself into something that's strictly against your principles and beliefs, or simply what you really really really genuinely dislike.

But, it's an extremely important step in your life to learn it. It's what that shapes you into tomorrow's world and what that would brighten up your route for you to fly into the society once your wings are fully grown. It has became a necessity as day goes by and look at the society and the world we're now living in.

In order to get what you truly desire, you would have to work for it and earn it in the smartest, righteous, most sensible and effective way that you're able to perform and also accept no matter who you're placed with because you ain't living alone in dear old planet earth. Prove it to yourself that your short or long term goal is within your reach without having to go against yourself anymore and you're neither shallow nor easily shaken.

Wake up, you're not deceiving yourself, not trying to be a person you're not, no self contradicting. You've simply learned a hard lesson that you once hated, the right way to survive and never forget it's a real world you're living in. There will always be someone out there you don't see eye to eye with waiting for you to kick their ass discover.


I've warned you...............

Friday, October 13, 2006

Money can buy everything but......

Money can buy you a house, but not a home.

Money can buy you food, but not appetite.

Money can buy you a bed, but not a good sleep.

Money can buy you medicine, but not health.

Money can buy you blood, but not life.

Money can buy you people, but not friends.

Money can buy you sex, but not love.

Money can buy you appearance, but not beauty.

Money can buy you a book, but not knowledge.

Money can buy you a clock, but not time.

Money can buy you position, but not respect.

Money can buy you insurance, but not safety.

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

Jinxed

My right eye is swollen up terribly into the size of Jupiter and my face look like a gigantic egg is momentarily attached to my eye and below!! Not to mention another humongous pimple bruise currently claiming it's residence at my right cheek. My right face is completely jinxed!! To make matters worse, I have a group presentation at 5pm later and I happened to be the fucking leader with dear lecturer expecting something from us!! Arghhhhhhhh..!!!

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Screwing or screwed.?

Early registration of second semester subjects has just begun, and this time I'm praying that I wouldn't end up in the same class again with certain smartie bum bum who loves to be with you because they know you make a good work partner for their lazy self.

I guess its pretty common where there are people who work their asses off, and there are people who got their asses kicked for lazying till their asses flatten. The unfortunate or what I like to call learning opportunity is somehow inevitable in university life. You're bound to end up with group works or presentation that has at least one or two members that just sit there whole day waiting for us to kick their asses to mars.

If you don't, you'll end up one being another one who got whipped and sent to mars with Mr or Miss I-dunno-how-to-do-you're-so-smart-help-me-do-please-thank-you. And you got no choice but to save his or her ass as well when you're saving yours while ranting your complaints and silently hitting yourself because you're going against your wishes rescuing someone who doesn't give a damn about you.

Yes. You do get to learn more, and they manage to go even further with their idiotic mind but your mind tells you that it's so unfair. Yea, but I guess I've come to the point that I don't give a damn and to hell with them. I do my part, regardless we get the same marks, but I learn more and guess what, if I screw up, so are they. Perhaps even worse than I did.

And going behind informing the lecturer isn't such a brilliant idea. Unless I was being back stabbed instead, I wouldn't do so if they just quietly accept the fact that after all I did the bloody work because they're too smart to be doing themselves. I would not because it doesn't do any good beside worsen the current condition.

Perhaps my work would be more recognized but I might lost some future potential person for me to mock and get help from. Yeah, I'm selfish, but you taught me that, those who first got their hands on me, and guess what, I've learned.

Screw you.


The haze is still terrible around here. Few days ago it rained a little bit giving us a happy clear day. But these few days it's getting even worse, the weather is boiling hot with a not very sunny day because dear sun is hiding behind the haze bed. When night comes with a little moisture in the air, it looks like we're in some higher area with foggy mist, just that it's not and it's not cooling too. Even though it has reached the pretty unhealthy level, I still see no one around the campus wearing a mask. Hmmmmmmmmm..........

Sunday, October 08, 2006

Its clear again.

Friday, October 06, 2006

中秋节快乐。。

It's the time of the year again where lanterns are hanging everywhere, mooncakes swarming in shopping complexe, selling at ridiculous price for one tiny little cake that can be gone in a few bites, not to mention the odd sweetness that cursed my tongue.

Perhaps because I'm faraway from home, thinking of my family and the usual small dinner feast, alone with no merry chatterings and that's why I despise dear old mooncake. NO. I just don't fancy them. I never did.

Besides not taking any form of egg yolk, I dislike them because everything is just too sweet. Perhaps only to me. And I guess the important thing is that it signifies the mooncake festival is here and is time to have a nice family gathering again.

My dad once said, its not about what you ate or the specialties of the taste such peculiar food gave you, but it's the meaning of eating it in certain time with certain people and for the sake of it's significant.

When everyone is talking about going home for its the fifteenth of the eight month of our lunar year, it simply reminds so much of home cooked food, what my mom used to make for such nights, her famous soup and her lo hon ko drink. Simply craving for it. Not forgetting dad's chef stunt once a while. I won't even mind washing an enormous amount of dishes and cleaning up the greasy kitchen.

Here I am, alone in the middle of foggy forest , gazing at the reddish moon hidden behind the hazy polluted air bed. Well that's if only I have the mood for a midnight stroll carrying the paper lantern searching for the big yellow roundish sphere that's suppose to be the desert of the festival. And the Chinese has the old saying, when you miss home, take a look at the moon.


I miss home.

Thursday, October 05, 2006

Haze

The past few days have been rather hazy, foggy visual that's intoxicating our dear lungs. In this isolated area surrounded by the forest, it feels rather dreamy.

Even the idea of going out for a walk or jog is clearly inadvisable. Blazing hot in day time, sometimes long hours of rain at night. What a climate.

These unpredictable weather usually means nothing to ordinary people, just another day with a lousy or weird weather, fairly acceptable especially in our country of hot and wet. But then I wonder if I'm having too much time to think nonsense or what, these weather somehow affects my mood.

It's hot, everyone get pissed off easily for its just so annoying. Hot and sweating like a pig and still faced with ridiculous idiot matters, everything just comes out naturally.

Hazy vision, lonesome rainy days, such a melancholy environment. Couldn't help but feel the same way too. Perhaps I'm too shallow, easily influenced by such little factors.?

My lectures been getting lesser everyday, leaving me plenty of time alone. For assignments or self procrastinate event, its all up to me. The tormented weather is such a perfect place for laziness breeding.

And I wonder why these free time had not boost up my entries.? Too lazy to write.? Or simply haven't the idea of what to write, and hence better not to? Like this tactless post.?

It figures, I guess.

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

As time goes by.

Time by Chantal Kreviazuk



Time, where did you go?
Why did you leave me here alone?
Wait, don't go so fast
I'm missing the moments as they pass
Now I've looked in the mirror and the worlds getting clearer
So wait for me this time
I'm down, I'm down on my knees
I'm begging for all your sympathy
But you (I'm just an illusion)
You don't seem to care (I wish that I could)
You humble people everywhere (I don't mean to hurt you)
Now I've looked in the mirror and the worlds getting clearer
I'll take what you give me.
Please know that I'm learning
So wait for me this time
I should've know better
I shouldn't have wasted those days
And afternoons and mornings
I threw them all away
Now this is my time
I'm going to make this moment mine.(I shouldn't have wasted those days)
I'll take what you give me.
Please know that I'm learning
I've looked in the mirror
My world's getting clearer
So wait for me this time



Time does not wait, and everyday we battle against time, fighting with it. If one day you found yourself having too much "time", does it mean you're simply too free and have yet to achieved anything since everyone around you is yearning for more.? Wishing blindly that time would wait for you, or begging dear genie to grant your wish of having more than 24 hours a day. While some, silently praying that time would go faster, soul drifting through lifelessly. Not forgetting those who are forever captured in time, frozen, stationary as time goes by.

Monday, October 02, 2006

The last time

When was the last time you went crazy and REALLY had fun.?
When was the last time you're in stress-free zone.?
When was the last time you take your time and enjoyed your hot shower instead of rushing to finish it.?
When was the last time you stop worrying for at least one bloody thing.?
When was the last time you hugged or kissed your parents.?
When was the last time you missed home.?
When was the last time you slept so well and had a remarkable dream.?
When was the last time you woke up feeling awesome and totally recharged instead of lazying for another few minutes?
When was the last time you felt at least a little satisfied towards your life.?
When was the last time you said thank you and you really do mean it.?
When was the last time you felt blessed.?
When was the last time you've been hugged really tight.?
When was the last time you really felt someone do care for you.?
When was the last time you felt being loved.?
When was the last time you expressed your thoughts out honestly.?
When was the last time you cried like mad and felt damn good after it.?
When was the last time you REALLY laugh out heartily and there was tears coming out from your eyes.?
When was the last time some stranger made you smile.? Genuinely.?
When was the last time you smile at a stranger.?
When was the last time you help a stranger out.?
When was the last time you didn't criticize or complain at least once a day.?
When was the last time you stop and think how far have you gone throughout your short life.?
When was the last time you actually felt good about yourself.?