Saturday, December 30, 2006


No matter how bad the weather is, the gloomy rainy season that never stop wetting the earth as day goes by, there will always be the sun who would rise each and everyday. Great sunshine or grayish sky with dear gigantic red ball hidden under the beds of cloud, is no longer the issue here, its whether SHE pops out or not. Unless it's the end of the world, and there's no sun to rise, no heat to be brought upon mother earth. No heat, no warmth, no life, no sustainability, no nothing.

No matter how dark the sky gets, there will always be light at the end of the horizon. There's always light, the darkness the creeps upon your skin will not be eternal. Unless of course, you buried yourself behind the lights, under the lights, shadowed by everything else on earth, denying the existence of light, day, and in you, there's only darkness, black corners, sadness and death.?

It doesn't matter if you had the world number one bad day, there's always tomorrow. Today is a bad day, but if you're in US, it's already tomorrow in Australia, how bad can it be then.? I guess at the end of the night, it still rounds up to you, do you wanna live forever in bad dayS, and forgot there are tomorrowS that could be or would be or IS good day.? And of course, how you define GOOD DAY yourself still matters.


Tuesday, December 26, 2006

Merry Christmas

My heart was given away,
Gone to an embrace.
It was handle with care,
It's very own care.
I love the way it's cared,
Unique in its way.
But it wasn't right,
It was wrong.

My heart was torn,
But it did not break.
My heart cried,
With tears of blood.
I cried for help,
To patch it back.

It was then known,
It was wrong.
And so was I,
Blinded, by the very care.
And forgot, it wasn't right.
Hence, missed.

My heart shall then be mend,
To be cared in It's correct way.
Shall not fall to the hands of others,
Or let it rot in the dark, alone.
For I believe, there is still hope.

If time proves otherwise,
My heart shall then rest.
But the day has yet to be seen,
And I'll stay still.
For how long, I do not know,
For tomorrow will answer.

Sunday, December 24, 2006

Saturday, December 23, 2006

Me and I

Why is the mirror image not reflecting the real you.?

It shows your actions is completely different from what you're thinking.

Does that makes you the world biggest pretender, or the best actress/actor.?

And what makes you act like this.?

Behave like this.?

Why have you become such a hypocrite?

Even to yourself.?

You think what you think,

But you do not act on what you think.

What are your thoughts for then.?

For yourself.?

For the truth behind you.?

But all lies begins with truth.

Are you lying then.?

If yes, to whom.?

To the world outside.?

Or to you, yourself.?

If to you, why then.?

What had happen to the original you.?

That had been shunned to the back of you that's not you.?

Worse, you're hiding behind you that's not you.?

Are you still you then.?


Am I still me.?

Thursday, December 21, 2006

KLIA express

Under a special request, allow me to share a little audio encounter of a rather humiliating story of our dear Boleh Land.

Was inside the KLIA express and of course on my way to the airport no I just simply love the 28 minutes ride and take it for fun When the train was about to stop, clearly they would be announcing that the journey will come to its end and hope you'll enjoy the ride and bla bla bla bla, just the same usual noble saying like just before you disembark from an aircraft. HA! Imagine when I heard over the speakers that

"The train will terminate here."

WTF..? I was
completely stunned. Be it the train journey or our cruise voyage or thank you for flying with us rubbish, what sort of brilliant idiots will actually use the word TERMINATE to indicate that the little train trip has come to its destination and will end here.?

The genius word usage of TERMINATE is like telling the passengers, mind you that consist of people from around the globe ( which I'm perfectly sure know the international language of ENGLISH) all heading to the bloody well known international airport that the train is about to be terminated here and we'll all die here because of the sudden explosion of hell knows which compartment and we'll be blown into a million pieces. Okay, so I was exaggerating, so what.?

I did not catch the Malay version but I'm perfectly sure even if direct translation of terminate to DIMATIKAN isn't exactly a very wise choice of word besides our journey will end or stop here or perjalanan kami akan berhenti atau sampai sini sahaja.

Imagine, perjalanan kita akan dimatikan sekarang. Wow, isn't that simply fantastic. We're all gonna mati.?

And I guess being a Malaysian after all, I'll simply stop here to further criticise some of its public well known transport that's widely used by people that comes from all over the world all riding the nice train, fast and punctual arrival and the comfy compartment only to being informed the train will actually just be TERMINATED like any other machines instead of stopping like usual train does.

Wow, don't we just love our country.?

Okay, so I was wrong, but am not gonna delete this post. I just thought its a funny word choice because I didn't think it was a right word, but it wasn't wrong. Just not wise, at least I thought. And who am I to complain.? Just rant my two cents out. =P (23 Dec 2006)

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Hard shoulders

I just got back from Sandakan yesterday, a four days trip which revolves around visiting my maternal grandparents and also heavy seafood indulgence. Arghhhh, all these food luxuries make me guilty.

This is the place where I crawl out from my mom's womb, spend the first three years of my short life here and that's it. Can I call this my hometown.? After all, I grew up in two different cities but not where I was born.

Anyway, the thing about a small city is that everywhere you go, you tend to bump into someone you know. And this happens every time.

I have not a single FRIEND here or acquaintance here at all. Everyone I knew here is somehow related or just relatives of a relative and the lines go on and on. And yet, every time I came back, no matter where I go, I still manage to bump into someone I do know.

Whether its because this nature city is really small, or because there's not much place to go and naturally people just turns up at the same place as you do. After all, there's not much choice and somehow, does this mean coincidence really exists.?

I realise I'm seeing things differently. For why, I do not know. For how, scenes playing in front of me are sending a different message to my brain cells, change of interpretation or simply my mind is playing tricks during this holidays.?

The massage lady told me I'm stressed, with hard shoulders when I'm not working nor studying now. I wonder why.? I'm nervous bout my first term results that's gonna be out in less than 12 hours, but I also know nothing is gonna change it already.

So, what's causing my tense shoulder.?

Me perhaps.?

Thursday, December 14, 2006

Drifting on...

I used to think that when you're down, feeling blue or something major just hit you, it's very inspiring. Life have yet manage to pull a stunt and revealed a rather interesting story for you to look upon.

And that's when your mind starts to put words together and if done correctly or if you're lucky enough, something creative might just be born.

I'm getting lazy with my blog, writing less, but my mind has yet to rest in reciting words. I hate it that I'm losing the will to put a few words when I actually love it.

When melancholy creeps into me, I used to write more. It's therapeutic for me, it soothes me silently and it's the place where I dwell in.

Somehow, I felt like I'm wrecking myself up. Throwing myself into a black blue hole. Why am I giving myself such a hard time.? Am I punishing myself.?

Or I simply couldn't let myself go.? Am I addicted in giving myself some pressure.? But what if I overdose myself.? Unconsciously.?

Why is it always the hardest to deal with yourself.?

It appears that, I've changed, or simply grown.? For better or worse.? I'd like to know very much myself. And who would kindly tell me.?

Myself, or you.?

Tuesday, December 12, 2006


1. Drifting further.

2. Still hate myself.

3. Even more.

4. Getting worse.

5. Just what I need.

6. Perfect.

Monday, December 11, 2006

Still drifting...

When you look at the sea, the calmness of it soothes people down. Yet the actual strength it holds is so powerful it could actually drown the whole world. The irony of nature and also humanity, blending into the life's of earth's inhabitants, creating a difference perhaps.?

There's always the unspoken yet acknowledged challenge that we still love to go for once a while. It's either you succeed or failed, but in the end of the night, what's exactly that we're hunting for, what do we actually achieved? And what we have not.?

The parallel of human who always ask for more, or perhaps simply striving for the best as they still can.? Climbing up a ladder that's without a top nor promise an end. There will be always some who stop, or some who could climb no more, remaining stationary where no further progress could be done.

Was it the natural greed of human kind, or simply the necessity of society's drastic and constant changes of trend that boost this unnecessary yet preferred option that we chose to take all the time.? In fact, a route we all go whether desired or not.?

What if one couldn't afford at all to continue the unbearable progress, can one stop abruptly out of the blue and take off.? Or can one actually just walk down the stairs with millions of eyes piercing into them.?

Are such choices allowed to their existence or simply an option that one make without knowing if it's acceptable or not in the beginning.? Simply full ignorance.? Or perhaps, what's considered as acceptable, and what's not.? And why is it so important to be accepted.? For being ignorant doesn't actually mean it's right.? What's right and what's not then.?

Fuck, yet another post I managed to scribble out without knowing what is it about. Just fantastic.

Thursday, December 07, 2006


I never regard or take myself as someone who has seen a lot in my current life of twenty years lived, but neither do I think myself as a shallow thinker who have yet to seen anything at all.

Perhaps I have yet to seen what's considered as a lot, but it's not to be taken as little too, where I can proudly climb out of my invisible shield and say what I thought when it's necessary, or perhaps just add a little pinch of sugar to the tea I'm boiling.

As day goes by and you became a day older, things around you tends to shift or appear in a different manner that you initially thought about. It's not always what you expect it would be, after all, you're no God.

Acceptance turns an easier angle for you to go through, unexpected happenings finds their way in, and suddenly it struck you hard, you're getting flexible to things around you. Very indeed.

In the course of learning new things, your brain unknowingly undergoes the silent yet important lesson of absorbing not only what's been taught, but also what that discretely pass by and supposedly invisible too.

If you were able to pick up what was initially overlook, it sends a rather different message and perhaps signifies you're starting to learn. The fact that you're looking things from another perspective that will leads you into a more complete thinker. A better person perhaps.? Of course, if only you allow it to be.

It's even more vital when life took a sudden turning, and you've come to realise that it surprises you so much that you're actually capable of accepting the uncommon and even better, think from someone else's shoes that you would not be able to wear. Not, in your lifetime.