Friday, March 30, 2007

Dizzy

I do not need this.

I do not need to feel sorry for myself for not being able to be who I should but not who I am. I hate myself for being such a realist that I could not even lie to myself that I'm actually not okay. The fact that I'm such a hypocrite typical misanthropist that appears confident when I'm not. I do not need yet another person to tell me that I should be proud and happy of the decisive and rational mind I possess but it is me who is killing myself at this very moment. No, I am not suicidal by nature. The arrogance and ego that runs in my blood that is not supported by my pathetic shallow knowledge or manipulated intelligence and sky rocket rationale that shoves me down underground and ripping me off alive like pieces of filthy rags. I do not need another extra reason to keep being melancholy for I already am. Effortlessly. Another stereotypical fact that isn't gonna vanished just because I suddenly discovered that life is beautiful but sadly I'm living in a denial state and unable to face it.? No. Reality fucks me hard all the time, I do live in a crystal conscience of my own with all fugly scenes flying pass in front of my panda eyes.

I just chose to live it the way I really am.

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