Sitting in the front row looking high up the LCD screen in a freezing lecture hall full with 200 students suddenly reminds me that I never sat at the front row before, be it whatever lecture it is, or how big or small the lecture hall varied.
Even though I don't sit far away back, I just wouldn't sit at the front row. There isn't any obligations of why I don't, I just happen to be like that. I just don't.
Odd isn't it.?
I've known people who would called or named this as characteristics, or some might said, troublesome.
I was once told that my odd character is what makes me, me. What makes me special and stand out. I appreciate the comment, but the realist me thought, if spoken nicely would be character, if not, it would meant troubles, annoyance, obnoxious, yada yada.
It was then I found out, it was also my character that causes my attitude problem. Constant self evaluation doesn't exactly help me much, but it's better than not doing anything at all.
I believe every one has their own attitude black side that are either hidden beneath those perfect made up or genuine personality we show daily. There are also those who don't give a damn for we don't live for others but ourselves and why not be who you are and who you want to be.? No reasons to why we should hide our blacken side just to please people you don't like.
But sometimes it can't be done alone by yourself for yourself. You just can't avoid the fact that once a while, you need others aid.
I guess at the end of the night, no matter how many bullshits I crapped, it still comes to where its just not that easy. You do not hide your true self, nor do you show it to everyone. Time still slips in, when its necessary to be who you want to be, or who you need to be and of course, who you really are.