Sunday, April 01, 2007

What am I writing?

I was told not to be so cynical. That life ain't that bad actually and putting your hopes or trust on uncertainties could be rewarding sometimes. It is still very beautiful with miracles popping out once a while and every little black spot in your life suddenly vanished. And the only thing you could see was the beauty of such gorgeous occurrence and nothing else matters to your eyes.

I do not deny the hopes and power of what a miracle could have upon those who are fortunate or unfortunately have it inflicted on them. It opens up a new door for you that you have been desperately waiting for ages but unable or simply do not have the courage to unlock it. It also closes the door of darkness and covers up all unpleasant memories where they're then left there and buried with this sudden magnificent luck.

But what I could not turn a blind eye to, was the aftermath of such naive yet very much sought after moments that would one day decide to knock on my stubborn door. I wish I could for once, enjoy the greatness of certain supposedly amazing things, and not just being diverted to the negative effects that would followed after it.

Its nature that everything comes with both sides. The balance of yin and yang.? Is it a blessing or a curse to be able to consider both left and right and not just celebrate all the wonderful things that comes with it and ignored the ugly ones just because you're too busy being happy and forgot there are bad times too.?

But what is so wrong of being happy.? It is not wrong to be such a cynic, misanthropist or pessimist. But it is not wise to chose to be sad when you could be happy. To enjoy the miracle that fate had decided to award you. Life is also balanced out, being happy does not mean you're incapable of recognising or be prepared for the worst expectations. You are not disregarding what that's currently or would be happening tomorrow. You're simply living the best out of yourself while you could.

It is rather sad, quite a pity when you know there are things that are worth to be delighted, to have continuous smile and grins about it, but unable to, because you just couldn't wipe it off even for a short moment. And perhaps, you simply forgot that everything has its dark side, its dirty little secret that's waiting to be unleashed.

Its a never ending line you're walking, its infinite and will never once cease, worst as it would only get longer the more you go. You will never stop pitying the awfully depressed you which is actually a slow suicidal act. And mean time, you're suffering the drifting life of waiting for death that comes afterwards, alone.

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