Saturday, June 30, 2007

Mom (Part 2)

Brother's friend : *Cursing some poor lady's nether region*
Mom : How can you say that when you also come out from there.?
Brother's friend : No offence auntie, but I'm from Caesarean one lah! HAHA!
Mom : Oh, so you very proud lar since you didn't crawl out from there and you can swear it out loud.?
Brother's friend : Yalar auntie!
Mom : You young people, think you very smart is it. You don't even know what is Caeserean. You think the doctor just cut your mommy's belly and take you out arr.?
Brother's friend : If not.?
Mom : Oh, so you think you spend nine months in your's mommy's tummy lar.? You didn't even know you're in her uterus and that's the place the doctor cut open.? And still pandai pandai say you're not from there!
Brother's friend : =.=

Thursday, June 28, 2007

Mom (Part 1)

Mom : Who do you think is more closely related to you, your mother or wife.?
Uncle : Of course my wife!
Mom : But your spouse has no blood relation to you at all! Just because she's your life partner doesn't mean she supersedes your mother in terms of relation!
Uncle : But I can stripped in front of my wife, but not in front of my mother.
Mom : Well you can also stripped in front of a prostitute.
Uncle : =.=

Thursday, June 21, 2007


There's more than once that I realised I'm too caught up living in my little world that I simply became unaware or chose to ignore whatever that's happening around me. Somehow deep down I believe that this isn't right.

The constant feeling of not knowing what you feel isn't exactly such a pretty thing. The invisible shield that I unknowingly build for myself seems to suddenly lit a small fire within my brain cells, was it intended to warm, or warn me.?

It is highly unusual for me to be not talking at all and it wasn't even because I was sulking or in a major mood swing. I was just being quiet. Period. In fact, I was feeling rather good and at that particular moment, keeping to myself is actually making me happy, less blue.

It seems good, no talk no trouble.

But sometimes, this would just appear to those who are close to you that you are somehow, not right. And you wonder, are they right? Or you're just growing up a little too fast in a short period? That you found peace in talking to yourself and keep quiet in front of others?

I've always enjoy being alone even when I'm home, or away from home. And perhaps I've just climbed another level where being on my own, means more than it used to be. For good.

Okay, so enough of those rather weird writing that I myself have no idea what it actually meant. Lets get to some normal human rants that will never cease. Infinite.

Hostel renovation on junior blocks apparently are preparing seniors' single rooms for them because first years are obliged to stay in hostel. Obviously, new seniors like me and others who are still staying in hostel and has yet to move out, are chucked out to another hostel.

This doesn't bother me that much but the fact that this hostel are about 15 minutes ride OUTSIDE of campus and I would have to rely on uni's shuttle service that's never punctual for 5 days a week with the most scattered lecture hours you can ever imagine. Not to mention weekends trip to KL seems more unlikely.?

On the other side, I guess it's time for me who's been so far so lucky to secure the most strategic located hostel in the entire campus now are shipped off to the least one. Time to really grasp that experience perhaps.? Or reality.?

Let's just hope they keep their word and its only a month we're shifted though we dare not get our hopes high. I assume with how effective these people are, I give it at least 2 months. And I thought I was being mean. That's when the hostel student board told us boldly that it would most probably take one whole term.

Ain't that just great.

Will be leaving tomorrow to my birth place, Sandakan for a couple of days and most importantly, celebrate dear grandpa's eightieth birthday. Till then.

Sunday, June 17, 2007

I saw you

I realised that lately its been awfully odd for me in observing how strangers seems to inspire me in a rather extremely weird way.

A look at someone you have never come upon before in your whole life suddenly just triggers another massive self reciting of what that person tells you. Perhaps its slightly ironic and completely opposite when it comes to the usual phrase of don't judge a book by its cover, but sometime looks do say something beyond the usual stuff.

A little warm gesture between siblings, a little smirk on the face of your neighbour, a little twinkle in the eye between partners, a sad little smile of a youth, an empty expression worn on a pretty lady, or simply a little dirt in the finger nails of a beggar seems to be painting out a picture right in front of your eyes.?

Does it justify anything then.?

Every person held their very own story, whether it manages to seeps through your mind by simply just looking at their eyes for the very first gaze or again, it's just another passer by in the road you're heading down.?

Life on its own is a story itself, perhaps multiple different tales in one single life. And its inevitable that there's just so much pedestrians that happens to be just walking down the same road as you but to different destination. And just how many would you be able to realise that they do help to generate certain thoughts in your mind then.? Or perhaps, just how many would you actually pay enough attention to register their mere existence in your life for a split second.?

Monday, June 11, 2007

I don't know who wrote this.

We make them cry, those who care for us.
We cry, for those who never care for us.
And we care, for those who will never cry for us.
This is the truth of life, it's strange but true,
Once you realise this, its never too late to change.

Saturday, June 09, 2007


Just when I keep reminding myself that I'm young, and still is, news of friends getting married or already pushing a baby trolley down the street suddenly come popping out right in front of my face.

With friends telling others and others that who and who is tying the knot soon and it's not because there's a little human waiting to crawl out to this world and they have to create an actual real family before that happen. But because they really can't wait to walk down the aisle and exchange vows. Not to mention, right after they blow off 21 candles and officially step into adulthood. And also married life.

As if that's not bizarre enough, suddenly you're reminded of an old friend that fathered a child when he was only 18 and doing his final year in high school. We knew accidents like that do happen and marriage was just inevitable unless of course his 16 year old girlfriend-soon-to-be-wife decided to abort the baby suddenly which is very unlikely when he's practically the master key to a thickly loaded family. When things like that happened, you thought after this little love child is born, the focus will be directed to another side as in perhaps its time to build a stronger base and support for your new found family before you take things into another level. But you see, with such story to born, I think its only natural and practically pretty equipped for this fast forward life of him to evolve in that speed lane too instead of the normal, practical and rational one. And just two days ago, I was told that this pretty boy had another kid. When, I do not know but what I do know is, he's only 22 with two kids, and a 20 year old wife and of course, a rich dad.

Then, here comes a young pretty lady pushing a baby trolley with a few months old baby inside that has the exact same eyes as her young mother. This 22 year old petite mom could just pass as a normal undergraduate student and perhaps can actually still fit into her old high school uniform. Yet, she chose another path which I believe after knowing her for years was because she was raised to believe that securing a loaded and stable husband when she's still young and gorgeous is the perfect goal of a woman's life.

Perhaps that its a normal age to start a family and its a very common thing that doesn't really raise people's eyebrows with a big O mouth wide opened when greeted with these sudden encounters.

No offence to me, I completely have no problem with these or against the idea of finding the perfect one when you just barely touch the adulthood line. I just think its absolutely unwise to do so when you're practically so damn young and its the climax time line of yours where almost nothing is impossible. I mean the world is so big and there's just so much thing for you to do and find out and the best way to do it is while you're still free and not tied down to anything.

Don't get me wrong here, having a family is not a bad thing at all and getting married doesn't necessarily mean you're barred from having a normal free life doing whatever you desire. It's just that, its another stage completed way too early and there's just so much that you haven't see yet out there. It's great to look at you're own miniature being but I think its also great to see what you can while you still can because at the end of the day, you will still have to settle down and of course its best after you've seen enough.

But then again, different people brought up different ways have different perspective and priorities in different life's. Who am I to say they made a wrong decision.? Who am I to say I'm right that I should see the world before I decide to settle down.?

It's still up to you at the end of the night, what's you think is most important and what you want to do and what you don't and of course when, where and why and most of all, will you do it when the sun sets and night falls?

Only future and you will know. =)

Wednesday, June 06, 2007

I'm not old.

It's funny when your much younger cousin starts interrogating you about your social life and why on earth aren't you seeing anyone at all. Since when does being unattached is a crime.?

Or when their curiosity gets hungrier and start probing you on why aren't you going out with the one or two friend of yours that they happened to coincidentally met while out with you.? Or why are you spending so much time at home instead of going out with this guy or that guy and start shaking my booty while flirting up with them.? A whole bunch of assumptions combine with non-stop questions follow suits after that and you can't help it but wonder are they simply growing too fast or its just me that's getting old.?

When you realise you're being asked constantly about boys and girls by someone who used to listen and obey to everything you said with no questions asked at all, it does make a whole lot different to the entire picture. They're dying to know the usual stories of how boy meets girl and how it further developed to whatever their young minds can imagine, I mean I'm not at the stage to be giving this lecture to hormones raging adolescents.

Seriously, I'm not that old, might be slightly a few years senior but it doesn't mean I'm having grey hairs all over. And I haven't reach the stage where being single is labelled as a spinster and is still freaking far away from that mind you.

It annoys me to think that people are worried and wonder why you're watching a movie with a bunch of girlfriends instead of a partner when myself is completely enjoying all these moments to bits.?

I'm only 20 you know.?

And why all of a sudden these young cousins of mine seems to be so overly interested in my personal life.? Or perhaps they're just trying to get rid of me to reduce the number of adults around them.? Which cross out another pair of eyes that watches them and of course hopefully wish there's lesser chance of being corrected from misbehaving.?


Sunday, June 03, 2007


I was only 10 but I could still remember clearly all the juicy little details of that very small challenge I took up just to prove to the two Malay boys that sat beside me. I wanted so much to show them how I could really do what I claimed I could and even the kiddo me wanted to win so much. Of course they do not believe I could, after all it doesn't seem real since I was never a cry baby in school except for that tiny little six year old weeping show.

It seems like bullshit for them, I'm surprised that I still remember their name and how they look 11 years ago. I could even recall how I impressed them by really crying for no reason just because I said I can and they say I can't.

And that what was drive me to prove it that I can get all teary without any reason at all, just like that. Of course, I won. Tears dropped, they were surprised but I wonder did they actually suspect how I did it? Or perhaps they assume I just cried because I said I would.?

Actually, I cheated.

I didn't really cry. Yes there was tears that flow and they're not fake. They were gone in a while, but they were real and did the trick where these two little friends of mine bought it completely. At least that's what I think back then, to think of it now, its rather humouring.

The fact is, I yawned. With my mouth closed. It was hideous and sneaky. And because my mouth were tightly closed, the little pulling intense or tension that's so obvious around my jaw, makes it look even more like that I was indeed crying.

It seems ironic to me now. To think that I can cry whenever I want just because I feel like it. To be able to weep when I'm sad so that I'll feel better after that. But now, it's worse than being just sad, a feeling that cannot be described by using words alone for being unable to cry even though I'm genuinely sad with tears streaming down within.

People want to be happy. They have no problem crying over their unhappiness or even when they're too happy. But I, I want to be able to cry because I'm sad not because I'm touched over a true story turned blockbuster.

I want to cry for real. Not only tears stimulating yawn, not only heart warming dramas that made me weep like hell.

Will you help me cry.?