Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Saturday, October 20, 2007


That's what she said in an undertone.

It sound so easy yet it's so difficult for me to accept its simplicity. How ironic.

A short little phrase that can be heard always, yet the meaning that it carried is so much deeper than that.

I was told, it doesn't matter how you became, what people say and what it might seems to those. More over, why bother for something that's said by people who you don't even care.?

There's just no logical explanation behind it.

But yet, we humans are always subjected to what people say and think about us. It matters so much that it even affects our sanity .

Yet, why do we still waste time that we don't have enough, in worrying things that don't have to be worried such as unnecessary comments that we despised made by people we don't like?

What's the whole bloody point.?

Why bother if I'm actually happy?

But the truth is, am I really happy then.?

How can I be save when I myself don't even know what the hell is wrong.?

Saturday, October 13, 2007

Spare me

I never like horror movies.

Yes, call me a coward or chicken. I just don't see the sense of paying to get yourself freaked out. Or get yourself disgusted with ugly scenes. It's idiotic. At least for me.

I might be slightly timid in watching horror shows by blocking the monitor with my hand but still, I rather chose not to watch them.

Even though it's ironic to the fact that I have completely no problem watching scenes with corpses being dissected or mummified or just plain disgusting.

I have no problem watching surgery's on the telly or pieces of a human body being blown up but yes, I can't watch horror scenes with the spiritual stories invented to scare the hell out of me.

Yes, eventually for the first time of my life, I walk out from a cinema after only watching for 20 minutes. Yes, I was freaked, I'm a coward but hey, even though I already paid for it, I'm still not gonna let it spoil my good night sleep just because some goofy movie makers trying to fill their pockets by hoping more guys will bring girls to watch horror shows while one tried to be brave and the other tried to be scared.

No, ain't not falling into that trap!

And what's happening to this world? A 12 year old practically added me into his list and ask why am I still playing msn.? Am I getting old or its just the kids catching up with us too soon? =/

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Man's best friend

When I moved to Tawau during my second year in kindergarten, both my next door neighbour were very welcoming and nice to us. It's a big change for me since I was only turning 6 and not having any neighbours before, suddenly I have two new playmates.

You see, before that, I stayed in Labuan since I was 3, and our house its just a building alone in a land in the middle of no where and there's no neighbours but cars that passed by day and night. Not that there were many of them, it's such a quiet and peaceful little city.

I remember not long after we move in, next door got themselves a new puppy. It was an adorable one, with pretty brownish fur and a pointy mouth. And distinctively, a mole just right on the top corner of its mouth.

Or what we Chinese call, the flirty mole.

She loves to bark at me, because I was afraid of her. And I as grew up, I got used to it. The countless of time I went next door and she would just lie there lazily on the floor blocking my path into the house. The truth is, she's trying to get inside herself but my friend just wouldn't because her dad would go ballistic if the dog walk around the house.

There was the funny moment when its time for bath. She would just stood there in such a still and stiff position you would have thought its a statue if it wasn't for the dripping furs and she suddenly became so skinny because all the furs lay flat sticking to the body now, not bouncing or flying with the wind as she runs.

I had my unfortunate one little encounter where my friend just finish showering her and she shot off, while shaking her fur dry in a very vigorous action, which left my friend and I wet.Very wet indeed.

Not to mention the series of paw tracks she left on the floor.

But what I remembered most dearly is that there was once or twice that my neighbour's whole family went for holiday and left her in the house with uncle alone. And one during the weekend, he went for a fishing trip. And dear Bambi was wailing of hunger, alone.

And we fed her. We have always feed her for fun, little snacks and stuff but not on consistent meals. I don't know what mom made for her but she ate and stare at us from the fence day and night after that. Begging for company and of course some yummy snack.

After I left Tawau, I still ask my childhood friend how is she doing. She was getting older walking very slowly and it seems like she's made of fragile bones that's about to fall into pieces with the slightest push.

It was until this year, that she left. Old as she was for a dog, 15 years as my friend's loyal companion and we still keep pictures of her. She was after all, a half pet for us.

And lately, my family been feeding a dog again. Again, our neighbour's dog who seems to wait for us every night to finish dinner and when I clean up in the kitchen, he began his usual pleas. He would stood there, behind the fence, and start crying for food. More like barking actually and he wouldn't stop until we gave him something to bite.

Apparently, my parents had been feeding him with whatever we can't finish during dinner. And it turns out Cosmos love the food so much that sometimes the way he howl for it makes us think the owner isn't feeding him at all.

He even listens to us now to keep quiet when he's making too much noise.

He stares at me washing the dishes every night and sometime I even forgot he's a freaking Doberman.

He jerks his head in a funny way that makes us laugh when we call him.

He simply reminds me of Bambi.

Monday, October 08, 2007

Still the same

When I was 12, I remember the anxiety of the first ever HUGE examination of my life that I had to sit. And I sort of went a little havoc and since our beloved country’s language was my weakest subject, I turn for my loyal Kamus Dewan for help. I actually started reading the dictionary like its a regular R.L Stine horror novel that I used to crave during that pre-teen era of mine.

I remember not even finishing A before my mom thought I was crazy and also that I couldn't even recall what exactly does the new word I just learnt actually meant even right after reading them.

I guess my obstinate mind had finally registered the fact that the dictionary could be really interesting if you know what word to look for, and providing its an enlightening word, but it is hardly attractive when you have to groom over every single word that most of time, promises regularity, normalcy and sometime you don't even know what they're crapping about. And that 's hardly appealing to any 12 year old even if its me and I'm weird.

It's hard to believe and kinda amusing that even at an age so young when my mind is still not that contaminated and still quite naive, my stubborn traits are already surfacing everywhere.

Roots are hard to change.? I'm not brought up to be a stubborn bitch that closes my mind when confronted with something I disagree with, I just became one as the days sweeps me further away with reality's ugliness and truth to be told, I didn't even realise it. Of course not until this character that earn you a reputation of being difficult or just very unique started to land me in problematic situation day by day.

Does that stop me from not being the thick minded lady I am today and who knows tomorrow? Well, it doesn't.

I just happen to be a fool who stick to her so called uniqueness or weirdness and try to stay happy while act like a smartie, even if I'm not.

But who's to judge that.? =)

Sunday, October 07, 2007


Something is wrong。

I return to my familiar old bed exhausted and without doubt will be having my precious beauty sleep but I didn't. In fact, I couldn't.

I couldn't seek the comfort I was looking for from my pillow that doesn't sink to the bottom after being compressed by my heavy head.

As I lie down, I was still having difficulties in getting some decent sleep, and when I did, I recall waking up and find myself soak in sweat.

And the air conditioner was on the whole night in a rather comfortable temperature, not too cold just right enough. And still, why did I perspire?

And my sinusitis symptom return not long after my day started.

Combination of hot and cold.?