Friday, June 27, 2008

Lost half my mind

It's amazing how tiny little things that goes around our daily life could affect us in a million tiny little ways. As much as we chose to ignore or take them for granted all the time, when they decided to make their grand red carpet entrance, we pretend that it really shocked us, and suddenly heavy storms seems to be rocking our calm ocean.

Perhaps we weren't pretending, we were genuinely surprised that such minute issue could turn our world upside down in less than sixty seconds.

The sad thing is, it wasn't even a new thing to begin with. The only difference is that you actually start noticing it because of the constance ignorance that causes its explosion. Or perhaps, the simple fact that you never even realised its presence before the major incident? Even if you do, well its not important enough to be notice, care, or even acknowledge its mere existence.

Who's to be blame then, when the world unfortunate circumstances finally brings it up to the surface, not only it carries along the darken event, but the fact that it actually exists and was there since before you were born.

But does it really matter then? To discover the culprit? Or even that there is actually one? Is it definite then, that there is always an evil architect behind those stained events?

It is indeed rather enlightening, once it happened. Completely out of the blue, extraordinarily interesting and in some crooked way, it excites us despite all those vengeful ranting of the sudden rapid down fall.

The queer feeling itself, I believe came from the curiosity of a certain unknown element that has been there for quite a while, simply unannounced.

It does not require our recognition, nor our attention. It has settled in a position that is comfortable in both direction, a symbiosis relationship where one prefers to ignore, while the other prefer to be ignored, lying low until its been found, at the ultimate dangerous minute.

And this in itself, carries a scent of uncertainty that weave itself among the common people and here an interest is born. The desire to know, to explore, to discover the unknown that has long been buried by our own conscience.

The well accustomed habit of shoving it to the background of what that might seems unimportant at that moment suddenly seem to magnify it's significant to an unforgivable extent.

And now, here comes the time to rediscover those that we have hidden ourselves.

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

August Rush

Sometimes the world tries to knock it out of you.

But I believe in music, the way that some people believe in fairy tales.

I like to imagine, what I hear came from my mother and father.

Maybe the notes I hear, are the same as they heard, the night they met.

Maybe that how they found each other, maybe that's how they'll find me.

I believe that once a upon a time, long ago, they heard the music and followed it.

Tuesday, June 10, 2008


I've never had the habit to talk about what's really happening in my daily life, I find it rather odd to describe my daily activities. In the sense that maybe somehow I deem it not interesting enough, or perhaps I just don't see the necessity of writing it on the net. Or I simply don't want to talk about myself here. Even though its ironic considering it is my daily encounters that inspired what I write here.

Perhaps I should make an exception. After all, how bad could it be? Or at least an attempt?

I just got back from a remote island that is quite undeveloped and unexplored, but not undiscovered. An island where there's no more than 10 wooden houses where the main water supply comes from a well and electricity are only available by using a generator set brought from another nearby island. With hardly any shade around that awarded me a new uninvited tan or sun burn, rewards from extreme UV exposure, its still surprising what I came to discover over a working weekend.

The experience of having a boat ride in a rough weather fearing it would capsize any moment. At the same time wondering what will happen if it does and reminding yourself that you should not be that negative and when everything turns out to be fine, you find it exciting and a daring act though not keen to repeat it. Or to find it extremely exciting to sit on the top of a speed boat bunk with total exposure and no security at all for a 20 minutes ride in the middle of the ocean. Even though I did not loosen my grip on the rail even for one second throughout the entire journey, I still manage to have fun.

That the ultimate highlight of a day full of excitement, surprises, discovers and disappointments was how dangerous it was but still rather enjoyed it very much and realising how fortunate that I did not just slipped and plunged into the ocean. And how foolish I was.

To discover that a generally doomed community by the world outside can be completely different than what it really is when you had the opportunity to interact with them, even if it's just for a short period. That there are still people out there that do not take things for granted despite the materialistic world we live in.

How I can be blinded by what I thought I admire can be quite the opposite and instead of feeling disappointed, I felt rather sorry for what was then my interest. And that not only how different things can turn out to be, that a perception of a lifetime can be ruined by a tiny little exposure to a particular less admirable reality

To bring myself to believe and discover the importance of learning and adapting other people's culture and not too quick to judge especially if it is something we're totally unfamiliar with, not to mention completely new too.

That to deem yourself as a better person than others and compare without any certainty nor understanding of the actual facts nor putting yourself in other people's shoe before the bold comments that was so easily uttered could stain a clean record indefinitely. Permanently too.

To understand how people can be different from yourself and not criticize nor compare but learn the differences before sentencing them because of their indifference from ours. And it does do you well to show some respect and not discomfort or obvious disgust just because it does not meet your expectation.

And also again I discover what a gigantic hypocrite I am, the ability to hide my feelings well in front of people I despise which ironically contradict with my usual character of voicing out my opinion regardless of how blunt it may sound. Perhaps there really are people that makes us withdraw from our very own self.