Sunday, September 28, 2008

Gone

Perhaps, it's only me.

Or perhaps, I just couldn't do it.

Can't or won't?

Then intention, the desire, the will, does exist.

Yet I do not know how. Even if I do, will I?

My conscience is delaying it, acknowledging its barren existence.

That it's gone.

Never to come back. Nor return.

Yet, I am still holding on to it. Perhaps, a little too tight.

Can I blame myself to grasp so hard?

For there is not much left to hold?

Though there wasn't many to begin with.

And I fear it will all be gone.

For some already did.

Lost, forever.

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Rice plus water

Friend: What you had for breakfast?

Me: Porridge.

Friend: What you had for lunch then?

Me: Porridge?

Friend: Okay...What about dinner ?

Me: Porridge.

Friend: Supper? (Hesitate for a second, chuckles and) Wait, let me guess, porridge?

Me: -.-

Sunday, September 21, 2008

Unresolved

I need time, to think.

To write, to put my feelings into words that make sense, or don't.

To bring out what was suppose to be laid on the table eons ago.

To reach out to parts of me that even me myself cannot reach.

To feel it physically, to express all that I actually felt deep down.

To push myself, not forward, but simply from falling back down, again.

To tell myself, it is time to resolve what needs to be resolve.

To force myself, to not withdraw again.

To not hide, or postpone even if it's done consciously.

Somehow, to put yourself in dark hole, waiting for the ultimate moment, when the time is finally ripe for doing what has to be done seems rather ironic. Everything was done under your very own conscience, the delay, the anticipation that you rather not have, the dreading minutes you hoped so much would just fly by unnoticed. But they won't, they never do, and never will.

So live with it.

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Friday, September 05, 2008

Not as we

Reborn and shivering
Spat out on new terrain

Unsure unconvincing
This faint and shaky hour

Day one day one start over again
Step one step one
I'm barely making sense for now
I'm faking it 'til I'm pseudo making it
From scratch begin again but this time I as i
And not as we

Gun shy and quivering
Timid without a hand

Feign brave with steel intent
little and hardly here

Day one day one start over again
Step one step one
with not much making sense just yet
I'm faking it til I'm pseudo making it
From scratch begin again but this time I as i
And not as we

Eyes wet toward
Wide open frayed
If God's taking bets
I pray He wants to lose

Day one day one start over again
Step one step one
I'm barely making sense just yet
I'm faking it til I'm pseudo making it
From scratch begin again but this time I as I
And not as we